For the past, oh, 6 years or something, I have taken an annual week-long vacation to Squam lakes in New Hampshire, as the mooching guest of some rich people I know.  In 1999, I thought I would bring a camera and try and post the pics as a substitute for real site content, thinking it would be interesting.  I was wrong, of course.  Still, as long as the stupid pics are eating space on my host, I might as well do something with them, so here they are.  If you are in grade school or something, feel free to steal these pages and turn them in as your own "What I Did On my Summer Vacation" report.

Let me take a moment here to describe the oddness that is Deephaven, the "camp" where we stay.  When Max first told me about the trip, ("Hey, wanna go on this cool camping trip my family goes on every year?") I thought, "Wow, I haven't been camping in a while, but what the hell."  Packing some rope, blankets, an axe, several knives, and other assorted stuff, I got in the car and wound up at this place which I could not have thought of as a "campground" by any stretch of the imagination.  Here's what Deephaven is like...

You are in the woods, and staying in a cheesy cabin, so it's kinda like camping.

You have electricity and hot and cold running water, so it's kinda like being at home.

Every day you have 2 nubile maids cleaning up your mess and some dorky guy with a bad hat bringing you ice and firewood, so it's kinda like... uh... I don't know, being at someone else's home.

At this juncture, let me speak to all of the 3 or so female readers of the site who might be taken aback by my use of the incredibly descriptive term BIMBOS.  I make no apologies for being an all-out man-pig at my core, as charming and erudite as I might pretend to be sometimes.  Men want sex.  Most men want sex from women.  It's a genetic imperative.  Sure men may pretend to like women for their company or conversation, and occasionally it might even be true, but most of the time it's because there's this little demon in that back of our minds urging us to try and become the most interesting male in the area, for at least as long as it takes to get sex and fool our brains into thinking we have propagated our DNA, since our genes don't realize that our offspring-generating cells have been trapped in a little latex sheath, or propelled out with hope and purpose into a sea of toxins courtesy of a spermicide-filled diaphragm, or better yet, on their way to be broken down into core protiens and sucrose by a woman's digestive tract.  Men want sex, and for this purpose there is nothing better than a BIMBO, a woman who is fortunate enough to think so little that her own need for ass-spanking, hair-pulling sex is unfettered by a bunch of artificial hangups, and is more common and a safer bet than that rare, precious woman who is intelligent and conversant and actually interesting to be around while also recognizant of her own desire for hot monkey love.  Have no doubt, the latter type is far more pleasant to be with, and usually the more creative lover, but is usually married by the time you figure this out.  Also, with the latter type you actually want to talk after sex, and even when not having sex, which is more conducive to a long-term relationship.  (Props to that woman of the latter type who coined the phrase "ass-spanking, hair-pulling sex".)  For those men out there who vigorously object to these statements about being a man-pig and deny that their primary interest in women (as a group) is in getting sex... keep it up, you sly dog.  You'll get some.  Just hope she never finds out you were lying about that personality thing.

We got a total of 3 entries...
 
 

Jenny Heng a.k.a. CandyFloss Pink a.k.a. Henry the Insane a.k.a. H.  I was so touched by this entry that I gave her her own page.  Or two.

 

Jennifer Love Hewitt. Hi. I'm 22, and I consider myself to be good looking.  I don't think there's anything else you need to know.  My name is Jennifer Love Hewitt, and I am the hot star of Party of Five.  I just wanted to let you know that I like your page, but you are an insensitive pig that I would never consider doing (unless you were into bondage...) Umm Anyway... You make me sick. (By the way, go rent Can't hardly Wait and drool over my nice round boobies) ---JLH I can't stand that damn show.  Have you done any soft porn? Well, yeah, but only me and my boyfriend get to watch it.  Not pigs like you.  Stupid insensitive MAN.  Blah. Oh that's ok... I'll just wait until he gets pissed at you and starts showing the video to his friends, one of whom will sneak it off to his MPEG encoder and shares it with the world.  Probably after some sort of "insensitive man-pig" comment.  8P I doubt he'll get pissed at me as long as I'm giving him head.  Which I will do while he's still a cutie.  He's my Leopoofie.  Altho I think he's gonna be busy if he gets this star wars thing... -JLH

 

And a shocking last-minute entry from Shayla Shayla of Atlantic!  She already had her own section on the site.  Some selections from her questionnaire... understanding attitude toward slavery: Against it in all ways. One of the great things about humans is the right to pick what you want out of life. To bad most people pick wrong. (Judges:  "Bad") contortionist background: I can touch my toes but I don't see how this will get me the free food or vacation.  (Judges:  "Pliable") catch-phrase: Well in UO I have "Get Ready.... TO DIE!!" on a macro with my war mode. Or you can just take one off of that stupid gif of me.  (Judges:  "HEPL PK!!!111")

It was with heavy hearts that the judging panel came to the conclusion that there were no suitable winners, and the contest was declared a draw.  Not like we were actually going to shell out for airfare or anything.  Unless the winner was really, really hot...