• Words of Wisdom

    I don’t lose my boyfriend his job because I’m an archaic Bible thumping redneck”
    Eldin, a multiclassed site admin/thief.  Read more: Down in Flames

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Oooh, I got mail. Could it be OSI banning me? My fingers trembled with anticipation as I worked through the clunky Telnet PINE interface…

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Lum’s rant page, which is possibly the greatest UO commentary page of all time, retroactively updated the page on Lum’s visit to the UO player luncheon with Richard Garriott, much in the same way that I retroactively update my rants to remove statements that will get me in legal trouble after I’ve had a minute to think about it. The Britfest ’99 page is totally brilliant, but until today I didn’t notice the oddity of the GM table pictures. No wonder GM’s are so pissy and unresponsive and arbitrary about banning people. Their parents don’t understand them. Neither do you. You will never understand the depths of their angst. Or something.

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5/7/99 – I got some responses on my quiz, naturally from the only people who might have understood it at all. Some of them had to guess around a little, since there were several people in the organization I’m talking about at the time who were close to being that lame, but eventually everyone figured it out. With enough pressure (i.e. if anyone at all wants to know) I’ll reveal the answer. Also, the Bonus Question generated a lot of positives, and the one or two people who did not make a secret PK really wish they had but were out of character slots.

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I got some interesting feedback from my rant, and heard some interesting stories. In light of the information I got, I am now writing a quiz. There are no prizes at all, except maybe the possibility of me mentioning you on the site somewhere, probably in a derogatory fashion because I couldn’t believe how dumb your answers were. Oh well. Once again, these questions are awfully inside, so most people won’t get them. Those that do, though, will be filled with such maniacal glee and bloodlust that it will be well worth it all.

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This rant page is way out of date. After seething with jealousy over how cool Lum the Mad’s rant page is, I finally feel like updating it by answering some questions people have been pestering me with.

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Some people have asked me, why do you still play Ultima Online Mu?  It sucks!  I beg to differ.  Ultima Online is a high-fantasy role-playing game where you can be whatever you want… a warrior, a mage, a doctor, an animal tamer, a musician!  The excitement never ends.  To help illustrate this point to a wider audience, I have painstakingly assembled this, my FIRST UO COMIC, to help people understand the sort of action that keeps me addicted to this fantastic, massively multiplayer game.  This is just the barest glimpse of the wonders I behold every time I log in.  Are you with us?

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Having regained consciousness after his death at the hands of a treacherous horse and a corrupt law enforcement official and jumping a random gate, Mu found himself alone and lost, in some desolate swamp.  With no idea where he was or where to go, his quest to spread the word of WTFMan seemed impossible.  Not knowing where else to turn, he ran inside a building, hoping to find some kind soul who might take pity on him.  Luckily, the home’s owner appeared not long thereafter, and after a long period of laughing at Mu, returned him to physical form.  What a nice man!  Certainly this paragon of virtue would understand his quest, and perhaps be willing to assist him.

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How long can one sit in a keep in Hokuto, mindlessly studying anatomy and thinking about how smart a trapped paladin is (like she could be that smart if she got trapped in the first place)?  It does get maddening, and a feeling of guilt began to overtake Mu and Clove; shouldn’t they be out somewhere, doing charity work, tending to the spiritually barren, gettin’ da funk in they soul?  Clove took the initiative… Mu soon received a comm crystal message:  "I’m on Baja at the Ironwood Inn."  Heeding the call to preach the gospel, Mu quickly donned a cheesy fake beard and booked passage for Baja, registering himself under a humble and unassuming name.  Armed with a shepherd’s crook, a tambourine, and his unwavering faith, Mu joined Clove in the holy mission to spread the news of funny editorials and superb Shockwave Flash 3 movies available at the most sacred of UO websites.  Oh, and total enlightenment or something.

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The primary reason most of the Por Corps lost interest in the Deathlands league had nothing to do with the league itself.  It was a well-crafted, nicely automated script that didn’t require tons of user-end maintenance.  The problem was that the primary age group of StarCraft players seems to be somewhere around the 13-17 year old zone.  This would not be a problem in all cases, but for some reason 13-17 year old computer geeks tend to express themselves through acts of sheer stupidity, i.e. not making it to a match and not telling anyone, either cheating or accusing everyone else of cheating (or, in the case of Black Rain, doing both simultaneously), or just posting illiterate dumbass messages on the Deathlands forum.  I saw this trend even long after I stopped pounding people in StarCraft, and began to take pity on these poor souls, who continuously whined about things they thought they were entitled to in a volunteer-driven free gaming league and insisted on prefacing their names with the adjective "Dark", as in "Dark Vulture", "Dark Sabre", "Dark$Lord$", "Dark Morbid", and their most prolific spokesman, "Dark Kingz".  Soon they formed into small hives of whiny MTV-era idealism… the "Dark Legion Syndicate", "Dark Legion", "Dark Kingz", "Dark (fill in the blank)".  These poor souls, misunderstood by their parents and with only a black wardrobe and Marilyn Manson posters to keep them company (it used to be Pink Floyd, but then I would be showing my age), were in dire need of someone to champion their cause.  Someone who felt their angst and realized that no one else’s problems could possibly be as big or important as theirs.  Someone as stupid and proud of it as they were.  Thus was born a new force on the forums… codename: Dark Dark Dark Dark Dark.

Here for posterity I have collected some of the significant writings of this patriot of the unwashed, along with some other comments from the same threads so that they may be viewed in context, complete with analytical commentary…

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