• Words of Wisdom

    Actually, there was this project in which the guy was bottom less, covered with water and sugar powder and was fucking a pumpkin live in front of the class, with music in the background.”
    Tegehel on higher education.  Read more: Teg's Torment

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I can’t believe I’ve gotten no hatemail for that last rant. I’m sure I would have gotten a “geez, tone it down” at least. It must be because my cause is just and right.I haven’t read a single AC message board since my last post. I decided to check up on one today, since someone told me that the “dis gaem wil suk!!11″ crowd was less prevalent. This is the first thing I saw on the AC Stratics board…

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It’s not so much of a deathmatch as it is a merciful euthanization of a so-called webmaster, forum spammer, gender bender, and all-around typical internet citizen when a whiny post by "H." appears in the middle of the Mu forum warzone!

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I almost never read the AC message boards.  This is primarily because they’re primarily covering the same questions everyone else is asking, such as the 500th question about "Is healing skill any good?", or "HOW DO U CROP POR", or "I downloaded the game file without being a beta tester, how can I play? – Signed, Dumbass".  The second reason I don’t read the boards is because there is a lot of complaining going on there about various aspects of the game… from people who aren’t testing.  Jesus Christ, you know if a new game hasn’t come out yet but it looks like it’s going to suck, I just won’t get it, and if anyone asks me what I think of it, I say, "not interested".  The damn thing is still in development, yet the hunger for a good MMORPG from the hordes of disgruntled UO/EQ players has led to the idea that a message board is somehow an open call for everyone to tell everyone else why Asheron’s Call should be the game they wished it was.

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Despite the moral victory of the Nighthawk demonstration, there seemed to be far too much wrong on Baja for anyone, let alone poor Mu, to correct.  As if the rampant killing, bad language, and lousy tech support weren’t enough, there was a new curse on the land… the spell definition spam seen at left as the masked Maggot Boy invokes a gate.  What were the "powers that be" thinking?  Just what the world needs… more useless chatter slowing everyone down.  However, even in this sea of injustice and iniquity, there is always a glimmer of hope.  For now, it was in the pure and noble heart of Zander, the humble peasant boy in the aqua shirt, who had aspirations of making the world a better place one day, like his namesake.

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"Nice grouping…" mumbled Mu, staring about him at the drudge corpses around him.  Drudges were infesting the land; it was impossible to move more than a quarter mile down the road without encountering a bunch of them sitting around a fire, apparently involved in some sort of deep conversation before they broke and swarmed over the sightseeing travellers.  It had become customary for Mu to jog a little ways out of town if he was in need of money; within one minute of the Shoushi walls, he was sure to encounter at least one camp full of the humanoids, carrying an assortment of pathetic recycled weapons from the Ven Ounan arms network, an assured source of income for further component purchases.

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With little else to do until his teammates returned, Mu took to investigating Ven’s current stock.  Truth be told, Mu made up most of his armor from the cast-offs of those poor souls who devoted their entire existences to camping out in the grotto, looking for gear.  It was inevitable that these folks would find themselves straining under an enormous weight of bizarrely colored leather garments, studded armor, and moderately good weapons, which they would then sell off to Ven.  Mu, in turn, would re-invest his drudge silverware racket profits into purchasing refurbished armor, some of which turned out to be quite reasonable.  He had just purchased a particularly sturdy-looking cowl from Ven when he saw that his friends were approaching the city gates.  Checking his color coordination, he removed his brown headgear and pulled his new purchase over his head…

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"Ooooh, look, a piece of paper with those things on it that you read and stuff!"  Hearding Rabbitsbane was excited about his latest acquisition, a note he had picked up somewhere.  Sashi Mu had been an avid collector of such things in his previous life, mostly scraps of paper which held valuable information about quests he hadn’t the slightest bit of interest in.  Ooh, the Sword of Lost Light… fat lot of good that would do him.  He might be able to slice cheese with it, or else admire its craftsmanship before slipping and dropping it through his foot.  It seemed most of these notes tended to lead somewhere unpleasant, deadly, and ultimately of questionable profitability.  Still, it was something to do…

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"Beta Two."  Such an innocuous name for the new state of existence for everyone in Dereth, now made equal by some bizarre plan of Ashtest’s, no doubt.  Although it might have been dismaying to start anew, at least this time Mu had a set of clothes that didn’t make him look too fat.  The occasionally bald collector at right had also been slenderized, but what the hell is that thing in Mu’s hand?  Here comes the ugly truth… as a punishment for being so foolhardy as to study magery, fledgling sorcerors like Mu were now forced to carry these "wands" in some sort of bizarre hazing ritual, and were unable to utilize spells without first praying to the ugly stick.  As further punishment, all spells now resided on a clunky "spell bar", and were inaccessible directly from his spellbook, which was now even more cumbersome due to his early practice of Life magic.  Some small solace could be taken in the knowledge that in this new incarnation, war magic would use half as much mana, meaning that Mu would be able to run away from twice as many encounters before recharging.

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Well, it has been almost a month since I last spouted off about UO. During this month, I have logged in approximately… uhh… 3 times. Once to see if the keep on Hokuto was still standing (it is). Once on Atlantic to get a screenshot of my paperdoll for Ra. And once to check out Siege Perilous. Well, actually I had to log onto SP about 4 times because of all the crashing, but more about this later.

During this month, as no doubt you have discerned from my constant gloating and other section of the site, I have been blowing tons of time in the Asheron’s Call beta, which I have been enjoying a hell of a lot. Of course, I keep reading other sites about UO even when I’m too disgusted to play it, and so heard a lot more crap, which I kept thinking of commenting on, but (1) there was never enough material to make up a really substantial rant, and (2) I would just be parroting some other guy who got the news before me. Well, that’s what I do anyway. However, since J. had to go and plug my site as a rant site, I’ve decided that I should toss a bunch of worthless junk together and pretend it’s a rant. Then I can go back to reading Sluggy Freelance with a clear conscience.

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