You are an artificial life form with a computer in your arm, created to impersonate some guy so that you can undertake an investigative mission to find out what the hell the point of this game is.

My friend Andrew Williams had a totally amazing computer (I think one of the first Pentium-60′s) and I would shamelessly go play games on it sometimes, when I wasn’t reading the contents of his erotic newsgroup scanner. Koshan Conspiracy was a French game that seemed really impressive, with great detail and new approaches to play, but like most things French, wound up being shallow and disappointing.

This game had some great concepts, including about 6 arcade games within the game, a driving sim, a flight sim, and some other interesting things. However, the best part of this game was the BOB computer which was built into your arm. You could get this thing to do anything you wanted as long as you could figure out how to program it using an iconic GUI language and simple flowcharts. Also, just about the only thing you could get to eat were french fries. Excellent!

The lure of the game wore off, however, when I couldn’t find a single goddamn thing to do with this great engine. I did accidentally run into a clue at random once, but it never led anywhere. I suppose some sort of a coherent plot or intoduction would be far too bourgeois. Maybe it’s one of those pieces of French performance art, where the piece is actually the frustrated player, sitting in front of a screen for hours scratching his head, while the artists laugh at them from inside a room filled with Koshan Conspiracy manuals that were never shipped.

Ubi Soft is now pushing Laura’s Happy Adventures and other titles in the Playmobil Interactive line. Hopefully they are being made by people who are not French.

Mu Rating: 5/10. It was great learning how to play, and the games within the game were fantastic, but damn it there’s nothing else to do.

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