Note from 3/27/2009:  Another snippet found in the backwash of my FTP.  This was going to be a collection of weird stuff that we used to actually cook and eat while playing Starcraft for 3 days straight at Shadwolf’s house, called "The LAN Gourmet."  It never got any further than this, but really, it doesn’t have to.

Note that this recipe is not designed to be interesting, or nutritious, or even taste all that good. In fact it has severe physiological side effects. But we ate this stuff all the time. Now you can too.

Bacon Bleu Cheese Tacos

One fateful weekend, Shadwolf actually had some taco fixins lying around his house.  Mu got to the LAN session a little late, as usual, and most of the tacos were gone (as usual).  After ignoring the pangs of hunger while building a bunch of zealots, he went upstairs to start in on a new batch.  Unfortunately, there was only a little bit of ground beef left… not enough to really make tacos.  There was plenty of beer left though, and it was definitely in effect as Mu scanned through the junk in the refrigerator and thought to himself… "I wonder what bacon would be like in a taco."

Surprisingly, it was pretty damn good.  You could actually hear your capillaries snap shut with every pork-enriched bite.  This led to some more experimentation, and more bizarre combinations, until the current formula was reached.  Note that the original formula was cobbled together from crap left lying around in the kitchen, and is basically the same as the current recipe with the exceptions of the bleu cheese and refried beans.  We also tried it with the bleu cheese in the mix as it was being cooked, but everyone got sicker than usual and the idea was dropped.

Ingredients

Some of that commercial taco stuff (i.e. Ortega/Old El Paso)
About 1/2-1 lb. ground beef
1/2-1 lb. chopped bacon
A bunch of fresh small green chiles and jalapenos, chopped
1-2 Vidalia onions
Garlic (amount depends on taste, we use about 8 cloves), diced
Maybe 8 mushrooms, sliced
Can of refried red beans
Crumbled bleu cheese for garnish
Salsa of choice
Lots of Tabasco

Instructions

Cook and drain the chopped bacon.  This can be done in the microwave with some paper towels while the other stuff is happening.  Brown the ground beef with diced garlic and chopped Vidalia onions, so that the onions are carmelized.  Toss in the bacon, sliced mushrooms, and peppers.  Whenever you feel like the peppers have ruined everything else, toss in the commercial taco seasoning with an appropriate amount of water, or beer.  Once it actually looks like you might eat it, ruin that illusion by adding in the refried beans and mixing the whole mess together.  Simmer until you are so desperate you actually want to eat this stuff.  Put into tortillas or hard corn taco shells.  Top with crumbled bleu cheese, a little salsa, and scads of Tabasco if you’re Mu.  Fall prey to the addictive nature of this unholy mixture, and tremble in epiphany as it purges all inferior organic material from your body a couple of hours later.

In the months and years to come, this recipe was refined again and again.  The most damaging version was probably one that incorporated an unhealthy number of unseeded habanero peppers and two bottles of Guinness.  After the EPA became involved, the recipe slipped into shadowy memory.

 

 

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