Film Critic: Comic book movies are terrible because they deviate too much from the source material.

Studio Guy: Hey, we made okay money by bastardizing V for Vendetta, From Hell and the League of what’s-their-names. We gotta find another property to make some money on.

Studio Toadie: Well, Moore wrote this thing, The Watchmen. I like it a lot, it’s on Time’s 100 best novels list, and it won a Hugo award.

Studio Guy: What is that, like a daytime Emmy? Never mind. Let’s make it. Call Alan Moore.

Alan Moore: I already told you I hate you. Leave me alone.

DC Comics Guy: Alan’s just kidding. You can make your movie.

Alan Moore: I hate you too.

Studio Guy: Hahaha, what a kidder. Hey, I don’t understand this comic book.

Studio Toadie: Let me explain.

Studio Guy: What, you think I’m too dumb to understand a comic book? Let’s start an adaptation.

Director: I am going to remain true to Alan Moore’s vision by removing all smoking, expository material, subtlety, historical cultural references, thematic devices, subtexts, and character development from this movie.

Studio Guy: I still don’t get it. Who are these people? Nobody will understand. Make these characters more sympathetic.

Director: I’ll add some more explosions and kung fu fighting.

Studio Guy: Perfect!

Music Director: We should license the music they reference in the comic series. Here’s a list.

Studio Guy: Who’s Billie Holiday? I’ve never seen any of her videos.

Director: By removing anything of importance I’ve managed to consolidate this movie into three confusing hours.

Moviegoer who’s read Watchmen: Watchmen is terrible because it deviates too much from the source material.

Film Critic: Watchmen is terrible because it adheres too closely to the source material.

Random Moviegoer: I have no idea who any of these people are but there sure was a lot of fighting and CGI. Hooray!

Studio Guy: Hey, we should maybe make a movie based on Lost Girls. But let’s get a PG rating this time.

Alan Moore: I’m going to kill you all in your sleep.

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