Teg’s Torment (Tegehel)

 

On Saturday, August 21, 1999, Mu and chauffeur Max Longstreet made their way to the offices of Turbine Entertainment, having heard that there might be free food and beer available. Not only was it positively untrue, the office was closed. After scanning the area for security personnel and picking up a large rock, they were ready to break and enter when they managed to dupe someone into letting them inside. Little did they know that the duo would use this opportunity to take surveillance photos of top-secret game development secrets so that they might be posted on a terrible website. Despite preliminary sweeps of paperwork in the lobby area, no secrets were uncovered. Curses!
On their return trip the following week, they once again failed to gain access to any high-security areas, but located and subdued the man at left, known as Cyril, a.k.a. "Tegehel". As he had a distinctly French accent, the duo was forced to beat him up in the parking lot on principle, but when they found out that he was in fact Swiss, the assault stopped and the wounded Tegehel, propped up on Mu’s car to support his shattered frame, began divulging secrets, which were recorded at right. However, a little piece of paper with nonsense on it only lasts so long in Mu’s wallet, and so contact was made again, over IRC. This is the story of this incredible investigation.

 

NOTE

This is not like a real interview or anything.  If you want the truth, it’s just some bunched-up crap from a chat I had with Tegehel on September 4, 1999 over IRC.  It is long and rambling.  It is usually not even about AC.  For those of you who really like that crappy raw IRC log interview style, here’s the first few lines of the chat.
 

*** Now talking in #tegstorment
*** InterviewMu changes topic to ’16/f/bi/ez’
<InterviewMu> shit gotta think up some lame questions now
*** Tegehel has joined #tegstorment
<InterviewMu> Heya
<Tegehel> well, so I am here now…
<Tegehel> hiya
<Tegehel> gimme a sec, preferences are screwed
<InterviewMu> I’m just looking over my… notes… from the parking lot
<InterviewMu> np
*** InterviewMu is now known as Mu
*** Mu is now known as Musashi
*** Musashi is now known as EvilMu
<EvilMu> goddamn registered nicks
<Tegehel> hehhe
<EvilMu> So what’s up, you’re working on the weekend?
<Tegehel> almost there, hold on
<EvilMu> I hope you’re not trying to set up some lame script or something :P
*** EvilMu sets mode: +o Tegehel
<Tegehel> OKAY
<EvilMu> All away scripts engaged?  :P
<Tegehel> Primary ignition
* EvilMu stalls for time while he tries to think of some dumb questions
<Tegehel> Agrl…another problem…hold on (short to fix)
<EvilMu> la la la
<Tegehel> foxed.
<Tegehel> er.. that is FIxed

 


 

Part One:  What Tegehel Does and He’s Not Really French

<EvilMu> So, what’s your title and function over there, and do they really have anything to do with each other?  (typical boring ass interview opener)

<Tegehel> Well, if you bore them in the beginning, chances are they won’t read the crap that follows :)

<EvilMu> I’ll put up some nude pics or something to hold their interest

<Tegehel> Huh…I’m an artist, I guess that would be my title. My function, though, is a tad more complicated.

As for my function, I’m a 2D illustrator, designer , texture-mapper (?), doodlers (brainstorming sessions) and a 3D animator and modeler…ah! forgot about storyboard and sound designer…and probably some more things, such as "The $#*@!! who always plays his music too loud" or, as my dear friend John says "That freakin’ European trash".

Oh! and I play Tribes.  That pretty much covers it I think.

<EvilMu> So basically you got suckered into a 2D rendering job, and now everyone foists off all the work on you, is that right?

<Tegehel> Well, when you put it that way, it sounds even more correct. And it’s actually true, I was hired as a 2D artist, but I guess I have multitasking capabilities… sorta.

<EvilMu> You think maybe you get all the work because your colleagues hate Europeans?

(Yessir, gaming industry interviews like no other.)

<Tegehel> I think the US hates me because they got sucked into WWII because of Europeans, then there was Vietnam (same thing) and WWIII will probably be started somewhere in Switzerland, yeah. So it’s a historical hate, I understand. I get use to the insults.

<EvilMu> You could probably deflect a lot of them by explaining that you’re not French, you know.

<Tegehel> It’s true, but I was raised in the French part of CH (that’s Switzerland for the erudites; it means Confederatio Helvetica, it’s Latin) and I am actually 1/2 French, so they have it 1/2 right.

And I can’t hide my accent… "Maurice Chevalier, tralala", and all the stereotypical crap :) I got it just yesterday again actually, heh. (Thanks John.)

<EvilMu> Well, I don’t know of a lot of anti-Swiss prejudice.  I personally love Teuscher’s chocolate, and good wristwatches.

<Tegehel> Sure, and the cheese is good too.

<EvilMu> Well, if there’s no actual French people at Turbine to beat on, I suppose you’re a convenient substitute.

<Tegehel> I guess I am. But who would they ask for translation if I die?

<EvilMu> Well, if they actually use you for translation, I’d have to say if you get killed, they’d have to fall back on ignoring any French text that comes up, rather than suffering the humiliation of hiring a real French person to read it for them.

<Tegehel> Besides, I’m the only one who can write my TOTD they way I do. No substitute. That would be… my loss? Aahh crap.

<EvilMu> The TOTD page would be a great loss, but maybe they can take pictures of your dead body or something, sort of a retrospective.  Put those up on your old webspace.  Probably be able to advertise a lot then.

<Tegehel> Sure, I’d pose for them.  Swiss guts, the originals:  Only at Turbine!!

Can’t blame them really, French people are hard to get used to sometimes, especially Parisian. Jason, for instance, had an excessively bad experience with French people in France, and you know, they have that reputation…

<EvilMu> I think all of my personal encounters with the French seem to support the popular image of them.

<Tegehel> Funny, because you just need to reverse the situtation and you have the French point of view of a typical American. Not so weird I guess, retrospectively.

<EvilMu> Well, everyone is entitled to their own viewpoint, as long as it’s clear that the US is right and everyone else is wrong.  :P

<Tegehel> You got that right, but you know, French Chauvinism is well known and it seems:  contagious.

<EvilMu> Heh, true enough.  You know I heard some call-in radio surveys about who the US should use nuclear weapons on?  3 surveys, on 3 different stations, 3 different years, and the #1 answer was always France.

<Tegehel> If you apply the survey in Europe, you’d get the same result probably.  :)  Or Belgium, it depends…

<EvilMu> This notion is probably more popular now that the nuclear testing statements came out.

<Tegehel> Very much so. I assume it also applies to Bio-chemical weapons as well?

<EvilMu> Uh, true, but I don’t know of any declassified French bioweapons testing recently.  Is there something I should know about?

<Tegehel> Well, look at a French person; there are signs…let me explain.

The beret, on their head. It’s not a fashion statement, it’s protection against acid rain, and heavier-than-air sarin gas and the like. Also, they hide their deformities with a moustache and an accent so heavy that if you approach too close, you get crushed. It’s tactical I tell you.

<EvilMu> ROFL… You mean that the French accent and body hair proliferation are side-effects of secretly engineered viral weapons?  It would make sense, I guess.

<Tegehel> We are on the same wavelength it seems. :)

<EvilMu> The world must know.

I can’t say anything really bad about the Swiss, mostly because they all own machineguns.

<Tegehel> Mu, that is wise. And they keep them in their house, loaded, or at least with ammo not too far. AND they have the training to use them. And they will. Ahhh nostalgia. Peacekeeping is an art.

<EvilMu> You’re native Swiss?  When did you come over here, and in God’s name why?

<Tegehel> Why? Well… I was born in Geneva, CH, so yes, I am native. I came in da US coz, huh…youse has better edukashun than in Iourope. The Art colleges are better here, especially in the Animation and Film indutry and that was enough for me to say to my fellow Swiss "Good bye, and kiss my…goodbye"… and I just repeated myself.

But, really, colleges are better in certain domains. Now, don’t get me started on high-schools here…actually, I might have done OK, since I already know how to shoot a gun.

God had nothing to do with it, by the way.

<EvilMu> Well, that’s the most important part of your education.

<Tegehel> Darwinist, I presume?

<EvilMu> Evolution in action baby!

<Tegehel> Caveat Emptor!

<EvilMu> Actually I have nothing but contempt for the school system here.  Part of that no doubt comes from the fact that I went to a freakin conservatory instead of a real college.  Both are totally useless, but at least in a real college you get laid more.

<Tegehel> That is very true. It’s f*ckfest ’99. People screw and make weird-ass projects. I am speaking about RISD here. Sometimes, they screw their weird-ass projects too (figuratively spreaking).  Actually, there was this project in which the guy was bottom less, covered with water and sugar powder and was fucking a pumpkin live in front of the class, with music in the background. They filmed it, I saw it. I also knew the guy.

<EvilMu> You can swear if you want… this is ranter.net.  Plus it prevents more respectable sites from ripping off the text.  :P

<Tegehel> Yeah, copyright is evil… let’s rip everything off… mp3 forever! Wait, I am just shooting myself in the foot here. No! Bad! Bad pirates! sit! siiiit!

<EvilMu> I bet Stratics will try and lay claim to it at some point, so swear a lot to throw Ethos and Wrathgar off base :P

<Tegehel> heeee? he! heh!!

I doubt anyone will try to claim that interview as their own. They would be insane.

 


 

 

Part Two:  Drawing Stuff

<EvilMu> Anyway, there are so many places on the web to get anti-French sentiment (including this site)… how did you get suckered into art as a career choice?

<Tegehel> My mum use to tell me that when I was a tadpole, at around 2 years of age, the only way to keep me quiet was either to knock me out or to give me a piece of paper and a pencil and I’d be silent for hours. I don’t really remember, but I assume I would draw plans of world conquest and evil weapons, or birds and flowers, perhaps, but I don’t think so. I was already…special.

<EvilMu> I used to do the same.  Of course my drawings all sucked.

<Tegehel> Oh don’t get me wrong, I was not a Picasso. Actually, let me rephrase that : they probably all looked like Picassos.  Perhaps it’s genetic in me?  Then… I kept drawing till this day actually

<EvilMu> Any favorite media you like to use?  Pencil, charcoal, acrylics, spraypaint, blood…

<Tegehel> A favorite media? Pencil really. I suck at colors but I force myself to make paintings to get better over time. I am, slightly. I like black and white a lot (ink). Most of my art is line oriented, because I like it when it’s realistically rendered, even if I have to draw, you know, like…Olthois… which are, by their nature hard to put in the "realistic" context.

I also use snot…rather than blood

<EvilMu> That’s good.  Not too many artists have experimented with snot use.  Urine is so passe now.

<Tegehel> Indeed, and it’s doesn’t filter well.  Blood is overused in my opinion.

<EvilMu> Been into computer art long?

<Tegehel> Since I was perhaps 15 years old? I started drawing with a JOYSTICK (yes, mouse was not available on an Apple IIe). It is quite an experience, I recommend it. It’s pixel based and it takes a freakinnnnn’ long time to do anything. Then, I moved onto mouse and now, my favorite:  the pad.

Oh! And also, Apples only had 16 colors I think…kinda restricitve…so you get imaginative and you can amaze yourself by creating things that you’d never think of doing. Such ugliness on a 320×256 screen! Wow!

<EvilMu> You think the pad as it exists now can really approximate the ease of rendering on paper or canvas?

<Tegehel> No, not at all. I don’t get the same feeling and on a PC, for instance, even high-end machine, the response is not immediate, so you’re really gesturing before you see the result. On a Mac, I was told, it is immediate, so that’s a little step closer I would say.

But, I don’t have the same freedom I have when I have a pad of paper that I can rotate, tilt, etc.. and use my finger the way I want. I can duplicate the effects, of course, but it’s definitively not "on the go". By the time you figure out all the filters, you forgot your original idea.

<EvilMu> How about light pens or touch screens… ever play with those?

<Tegehel> Nope. I can’t say I have. Touch screens, yes, but it was a menu-based demo, not an art program. Light pen I have not touched yet.

I played, though, with a headset and 3D (real 3D) proggy that allowed you to carve a piece of virtual wood. Quite cool. But you could only take out, not add. (It was a preview I think.)  You had a glove to carve actually (DataGlove). and from an exterior point of view, you probably looked like an ass, heh.

<EvilMu> Any rendering gear you prefer over all others?

<Tegehel> Rendering gear?

<EvilMu> Hardware, art software, etc… in case this interview somehow inspires someone to take up rendering (and hating the French).  Like, your favorite joysticks for drawing.

<Tegehel> Heh. Well, knowing a Photoshop-like program is a must I would say. You have other progs, like Painter, who are more "art" oriented and have brushes that actually LOOK like real ones, it’s amazing. PS cannot do that. Otherwise as for 3D, I would learn the basics on any program because the basics are the same all over, and then it’s up to your budget I guess. I like the high-ends ones because of the quality, but the smaller ones (Lightwave, 3D studio) are okay.

My favorite joytick needs to have serious force-feedback and at least one button.

<EvilMu> Force feedback is big in art programs?

<Tegehel> Essential. Especially when you have 10 years of Shoot-em-up experience. But seriously, it actually is for a tablet (it’s not really force-feedback, it’s pressure sensitivity, but heck, you get the point).

 

<EvilMu>  Say, if you fuck up a line, you get a feeling like a car crashing.

<Tegehel> Yeah, like that. A better idea would be a helmet feedback where you get your skull crushed when you make a mistake, or an electrical diaper…something to let you know other than visually that something’s amiss. You know?

 


 

Part Three:  Working for the MAN

<EvilMu> I understand from reading some other uninteresting interview somewhere that Turbine kinda snatched you out of college by mistake.  Is that true?

<Tegehel> It’s the other way around actually.

<EvilMu> You tricked Turbine into hiring you?  Good show!

<Tegehel> I was scheduled to have an interview with the people at Looking Glass, and the secretary who put my name and time down screwed up royally and put me down for the wrong time AND the wrong day. So I got interview by Turbine instead, and I liked what I saw in the office back then, and decided to try to get in.  And I got in.

<EvilMu> How long have you been slaving for Turbine?

<Tegehel> Man… err… 4+ years now? I don’t count the whip-scars anymore… Yeah, I guess 4+ years…wow! It’s been that long?

<EvilMu> Having regrets?  :P

<Tegehel> Heh! good question actually. Well, I wonder how it would have been to work for Looking Glass, but no, I don’t regret having come here. It was a great experience. There are things I’d change, looking back, but overall, I think my goal of working once in my lifetime at least for a game company has been fulfilled.  Other goals in perspective to accomplish now  :)

<EvilMu> So what other fields might you consider in the future?

<Tegehel> Other game company (but I’ll be damn picky now), feature animation studios, effects houses perhaps. Designer for Games or Movies would be awesome. Concept designer, that is.  But who knows what the future will bring? Illustrator for Fantasy would fit me well I think too.

<EvilMu> On that same note, here’s a hypothetical question:  say that someone is a career slacker, who just dicks around all day at work and updates a lame website when he feels like it.  He likes to sleep in and comes to work late every day.  What sort of exciting career opportunities would this person have at Turbine?

<Tegehel> ROFL…

Talent is all. You can dick around as much as you want, but you need to 1) be talented   2) do your job on time   3) be a nerd of some sort (otherwise, you won’t fit in).

<EvilMu> I think I’m… I mean, such a person would be well-suited for management positions, don’t you think?

<Tegehel> Hypothetically yes.  :)

<EvilMu> Right, right, but what if this person’s amazing talent is avoiding work?  And he has no skills whatsoever in C programing or 3D art or animation or… well, he can overclock a computer.  That’s valuable, right?

<Tegehel> Right, right. but perhaps, you should look into…con artistry? They make money doing jack, and sometimes, it works.

<EvilMu> Ah, well, of course I wouldn’t know about such things… it’s hypothetical really.  :P

<Tegehel> But of course.

On a side note, this is one weird ass interview…the note has been put aside, let’s continue.

 


 

Part Four:  How to Hack Your Character

<EvilMu> Ahem… so, any good office gossip to spread around?  Come on, you know no one will read this.  :P

<Tegehel> Gossip… gossip… Ah! well, there is that "thing" at 43.6 23.5 that is quite… special…

I heard that this guy from New Jersey wants to bribe Turbinites to get a special character too, but I can’t quite put my finger on who. And well, kill all the others too.

<EvilMu> That horrible person!  What would he have to do to get a hacked character anyway?

Not that anyone would really WANT to do that, but just as a point of interest.

<Tegehel> In theory, and that’s hypothetical, of course, because noone would be evil enough to actually try that right? You would have to bribe quite a lot of people, hierarchically.  Depends what you want to do really. If you want that special "look", bribe an artist (me, for instance) and get him, or her, to draw a special texture map.  I think it’s a start indeed. Subtlety is the key!

<EvilMu> You know, very few people know this, but I’ve come across a little crumpled piece of paper describing a plot of bribery and murder at Turbine… you think these would be good steps to take to get a hacked character?

<Tegehel> So, you actually KNOW that malignant character, it seems…ahah!

<EvilMu> Well, a look would be nice, but let’s say the person wants to PK, but naturally doesn’t want to work for levels, and let’s say this happens at a time when unarmed combat and archery are balanced so people would have to work a little.  How could you get, say, a level 1 character with base attribute points of, oh, 1000?

<Tegehel> Theorically ?

<EvilMu> Sure, totally theoretically.  :P

This "Katie" person seems to figure into this plot somehow…

<Tegehel> Well, the Weenie team is taking care of the implementation of the stats in general; Stats have been previously assigned by the designers. I’m not sure who I would bribe myself there, but I know you, for instance, already met someone from that elite task force…Katie works there indeed.

But the question is : can she be bribed ?

<EvilMu> Shh!… uh, I might have met someone named Katie who would be good to bribe… I’m not sure though, you know I’m not really interested in those things…

<Tegehel> But, huh…we are speculating, of course

<EvilMu> Uh, right… speculating… so what sorta things would Katie require to implement a supa-dupa PK character? Cash, political power, love slaves, huge amounts of pure base cocaine…

<Tegehel> I don’t know. A giant Pokemon? Money? A trans-acid-jazzy-funk-upbeat CD collection? Flower power? A black cadillac with a chauffeur called Alfred?

I know: a giant mousepad that says "Girlz power"… or not…

<EvilMu> I can get those!… Uh, I mean, of course someone who wanted a hacked character would say that.  (Pokemon mousepad would be easier.  :P)

<Tegehel> I understand. You have to play "in role" to feel the character. Do not worry about me, I won’t say nuthin… hmm… money, say you?

<EvilMu> Uh… so anyway (quick subject deflection), there must be some sort of evil overlord at the top of Turbine who you could bribe directly, hoping he would dispense the bribes to his vassals, like an allegiance system.

<Tegehel> It would, wouldn’t it? Um…bribing the top of the ladder won’t work, because they have nothing to do with implementation. No, I would mega-bribe the lead programmer, Chris, and perhaps the tech artist, Jason. That might require some heavy thinking in the bribery domain.

If you can get huge amount of pure base cocaine, Jason’s problem is solved, but as for Chris, I would not know..

<EvilMu> Legend speaks of a man named "Booth" who lurks in a sealed room, dispensing unquestionable orders to all those who mistakenly come to work at Turbine after missing an interview with Looking Glass.  Could this be one of those two?

<Tegehel> Booth, yes, we call him Jason "Friday the 13th" Voorhees here ;)

<EvilMu> Does he run around in a hockey mask?

<Tegehel> Nope, but he carries a bloody bass with him (he’s a musician too). I bet the chords are not made of metal, if you see what I’m saying. Sometimes, in the middle of moonless night, you can hear him scream atop the hill, aside the complex.

<EvilMu> That must do wonders for employee complicity.  Does anyone ever dare ask for a raise?

<Tegehel> Raise? Well, it’s per individual base (correct my english if it’s wrong, not sure how to say that).

<EvilMu> So you don’t actually have to go to your boss and ask for a pay increase?

<Tegehel> Well, I think you do, but it’s changing now since we;re getting more leaders. The whole structure is reforming, so to speak.

<EvilMu> You’d think raises would be easy to come by, now that MS is involved with AC.

<Tegehel> Everytime money’s involved, here or elsewhere, it’s hell.  That is the nature of things.

<EvilMu> Why did turbine get in bed with the evil empire anyway?  Deep pocket financing?

<Tegehel> I don’t know the background and even if I knew, I could not tell. It’s private business.

<EvilMu> Damn.  :P

* EvilMu wonders where the Turbine PR person is during all of this

* Tegehel knows they are loading the shotguns

<EvilMu> OK, so on to some questions that won’t get you fired…

<Tegehel> Good idea.  (Fired upon you mean, heh.)

<EvilMu> Heh…

<Tegehel> Shotguns… and all… yeah, ok, forget it.

<EvilMu> I’ll put up a chart to explain the pun to some of the slower readers.  :P

<Tegehel> ROFL

 


 

Part Five:  Games Are Boring, Let’s Talk About Food

<EvilMu> Do you play a lot of AC youself, or are you sick of looking at it after drawing it for hundreds of hours a week?

<Tegehel> Wel, I’m definitely not playing as much as I want or imagine I would because I’m always involved in something else to do. Always. And the reason I play Tribes, it’s because a game is quick, fast paced and easy, and at the end, I can get back to work or home. Once you start AC, you know, it NEVER ends (that’s the point actually).

I’m not sick of looking at it, because even in a short period of time, I see it evolve from within, which is very exciting. I see more than outsiders will ever see and the changes keep my interest up.

<EvilMu> Any other games you like personally?  I hear Daikatana is going to be released soon.  :P

<Tegehel> I am prejudiced against Daikatana unfortunately, and that has nothing to do with the game, but with Ion Storm’s PR ad campaign.

The "John Romero will make you his bitch" is still stuck on the back of my neck, and I can’t shake it. I learned that Romero actually had not much to say in the story (not his choice) but I don’t know the real story, really. Although I am pretty liberal, I thought he went too far. Other games? Well, Tribes2 :) Team Fortress, and any new SCUMM-based  LucastArts ones.

<EvilMu> I have high regard for most Lucasarts stuff, but I have to admit to having distaste-by-association from Phantom Menace.

What do you think about Killcreek posing nude for Playboy?  Think it’ll help Daikatana’s sales?

<Tegehel> I think Romero’s comments will help *Daikatana’s sales* in one way and not in another. I, personally, won’t endorse any of their products because I felt "they" treated me like I was a fucking piece of shit.

As for the Phantom Menace distate, I heard about the dichotomy in people’s expectations and quite frankly, am still wondering what to think of it myself.  On the other hand, speaking of TPM, I read their Art of TPM book (soon to be released) and it’s a MASTERPIECE! The artists are fantastic.

<EvilMu> Well, insulting the customers has been around for a long time.  I bet you’ve encountered that yourself, since you’ve probably had the misfortune of eating in a number of French restaurants.

<Tegehel> Ahah! Yes, true. but you don’t go for the insults (although quite challenging), you go for the food. :)

<EvilMu> I dunno, that French Provincial thing gets old to me after a while… throw some heavy cream into the sauce at the end when you turn the heat off, and voila.

<Tegehel> Yes, Mu, buit that’s only the provincial part. There is nouvelle cuisine, and also, different regions have different specialties. It’s quite eclectic indeed and very very different, not to mention delicious.

<EvilMu> I must admit I kinda like French toast, though.  And I’m occasionally partial to French fries.  I guess I can’t blast all of French food then.

<Tegehel> If you think that those 2 examples are what qualifies French Food, then, I am at a loss. None of them probably are, actually, heheh.

<EvilMu> Well, I have sort of a tempered palate, and tend to lean towards things like classic Chinese cooking and Northern Indian/Bengalese cooking, and sushi.  I like Trevanian’s take on french food as being either the world’s best or the world’s worst:  best from a purely sybaritic point of view, worst from a nutritive.

<Tegehel> No, mon ami, French food is subtle, different, artistic. Culinary delight, it is, yes!

<EvilMu> You’re speaking French again.  Don’t make me smack you.  :P

<Tegehel> But, mais voyons! Allons!

* EvilMu slaps Tegehel around a bit with a piece of stale French bread

* Tegehel evades the blows, catched the bread, slices it, and shares it with Mu. "This is my body"… then smashes Mu’s nose with the other half, and tells him "and this blood is my… err… blood"

<Tegehel> Remember, Mu, that what you call foreign food here has been "Americanized" and probably doesn’t taste or look the same in their original countries.

<EvilMu> True enough… real Chinese/Hong Kong cuisine is radically different.  Japanese food… well, Japan itself is Americanized now.

<Tegehel> Dude! You’re going to be responsible for another Pearl Harbor if they hear you say that :) Although, part of it is true.

<EvilMu> Heh, I’ve been to Japan 4 times and have Japanese family.  Believe me, it’s true.  Japan is more Americanized than America.

<Tegehel> Those damn ‘ricans… veni, vidi, and not quite vici, but they certainly leave their trace around. Bloody hell!

<EvilMu> America is like a superior version of Japan now, just because the sushi here is sometime all-you-can-eat.

<Tegehel> Heee… heheh… sigh

<EvilMu> What do people eat at Turbine?  The office is like in the middle of a chemical plant or something.  Not too much choice in dining.  Besides that friggin ice cream thing I saw at Jason’s page, that is.

<Tegehel> Kinda. We have "famous pizza #3" I think, and a bagel place at about, oh, 3 mn walking. For any signs of civilization, you need a car.  And we have what we call the ZachShack.

<EvilMu> That sounds scary.

<Tegehel> It is.  It’s where Zach, now gone, used to deposit (literally) all the most inhuman and bad food available on te market. Most of it with 50% extra-greasy super fat and more…cheap and delicious.

<EvilMu> Hmm, no doubt the lack of nutrition there has had some sort of effect on the design team.  Whose idea was it to make archery do 200 damage on a critical hit?  That guy must have been eating at the ZachShack.

<Tegehel> It definitely affect your breain cells, and intelligent deficiency shows after awhile.

… brain cell. BRAIN… you see, it’s too late for me.  And it’s "intelligence"…aaaahh I’m screwed.

<EvilMu> Heh, between the ZachShack and French bioweapons, there is little hope left for you.

<Tegehel> I have half a brain left (my Russian heritage, they are immune to radioactivity, after the Tchernobyl thingy, you know) because I’m a bit Russian, too..

<EvilMu> Don’t get me started on Russian food.  :P

<Tegehel>  Well, that is, I must confess, and area of expertise that I lack. The RUSSIAN food, that is.

<EvilMu> I have two words for you… raw horsemeat.  Someone served it at a party with mostly Russians there, and it was some sort of delicacy or something.  It really doesn’t taste all that great.  Actually it was fucking terrible.

<Tegehel> Huuuuh!… hmmm. You know what, though, I had raw elephant…it tastes like chi…nah!

<EvilMu> Well I’ve eaten some weird shit… cobra, whale, rattlesnake, etc.  Thing is, a lot of these foods are just things you think about and say, why would anyone eat this if there was ANY other food around?

<Tegehel> I believe you. Although, I like that recipe that has raw beef, eggs and some other things they all mix together…anyway, tastes great.

<EvilMu> Steak tartare?

<Tegehel> That’s it.

<EvilMu> I would never order that here.  The only way to make it is to take really fresh beef and grind it to order.  People here take some fucking hamburger from the store and put it on a plate.

<Tegehel> I know, the US way:  prepacked and frozen. It royally sucks; as a European who had real food when he grew up, I can say that.

I’m always curious about food though and I’d love to try anything as long as it doesn’t jiggle. Live monkey brains, for instance, I just couldn’t.

<EvilMu> Live monkey brains are kinda passe.  Chilled is more popular.  My father once ate a live lobster.

<Tegehel> Live lobster? Not cooked/boiled? Yikes!

<EvilMu> Crawled off the plate when he was halfway through the tail.

<Tegehel> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh! That’s horrible. I could not. Poor lobby… Cannibalism, it is to me… almost.

I had the usual, that some people consider here sacrilegeous:  Rabbit :) and well, frog’s legs, snails, etc… the usual weird French cuisine

<EvilMu> I tricked my sister into eating a rabbit in creamed mushroom sauce once.  She became vegetarian a little thereafter.

<Tegehel> You must have quite a impact on your siblings. My sister is a vet. I wonder if she became a vegetarian as well. I doubt it.

<EvilMu> Well maybe.  I only have one, and she is way more evil than I will ever be.

<Tegehel> An evil sister. Now that’s a change. Evil bro is the usual

<EvilMu> Any idea if weirdass food will make it into the AC final?  Say, you’re Sho, and you kill a reedshark… can you make sashimi out of it?

<Tegehel> Well, I don’t know about that part to tell you the truth. I wish you could make Olthoi’s Steak grilled with weed-sauce, or Virindi sauteed with onions, but I guess it’ll be apples and cheeses, gromit!

 <EvilMu> Or player corpses.  UO used to allow you to take the leg meat of players you PK’d and make jerky out of it.  I think removing that feature was the beginning of the end for UO.

<Tegehel> Corpse. Dismemberment. Death awaits you all, with little tiny… wait, that has been said before. Nevermind. You know, I heard they’re briefly coming back toegether

<EvilMu> Really?

<Tegehel> I read that somewhere but I can’t recall where and why are they doing that.  A movie perhaps, or a little project…

I think that if you join Balezheron, you should be allowed to turn dead people and monsters into food… the 13th warrior way! It will change, all in good time.

<EvilMu> I’m with you there.  Ham of Sashi Mu, encumbrance 100 units, restores 0 stamina on use

<Tegehel> Ahaha, 0 stamina. and poison probably.

<EvilMu> From the amount of cigarettes I smoke, most likely deadlier than fugu toxin.

<Tegehel> Not to mention 2 jars of pickles a week.  That must have some effect on your metamorphose, no?

<EvilMu> Yeah, what was up with that?  You got a problem with pickles or something?  I think you just wanted to avoid having me say, "Tegehel Took Mu’s Pickle" on the page.  Which, of course, I would have done.

<Tegehel> I have not since I do not need to metamorph.  It’s a great title, by the way. "The adventure of Mu’s Pickle in the lands of Dereth, narrated by Teggy the Bard, squealer of songs"

<EvilMu> Hmm, maybe I’ll steal it.  Maybe for my next "wands look like metal dildos" story.

<Tegehel> Wands, pickles, they all look the same.

 


 

Part Six:  16/F/Bi/EZ

<EvilMu> Which segues nicely into something else… you’re thinking of a new game design already, right?

<Tegehel> Me? Nah. :)

<EvilMu> Oh come on, everyone is talking about a new entry into the MMORPG field by the creative grease-fried minds at Turbine.

<Tegehel> But it’s trade secret. I could not, in good conscience, reveal to the world that it would be a great idea to conceive a porn game using and improving the AC engine, now would it?

* Tegehel looks at the wall. The wall looks back at Tegehel. Somewhere, a bird sings. (Haiku)

<EvilMu> Porno is ideal. Use high polygon models. Make kids masturbate. (Haiku)

Well, hypothetically it could be the greatest use of the AC engine to date.  I think people are already having cybersex in AC.

<Tegehel> Hypothetically, yes it would be great. Imagine that:  People are naked, male and female of any race, size and sexual preference running in the world of Sexeth. Positions are the key, hum… and the quests would be called "the Dildo of lost light" or so…

<EvilMu> So how would level progression work in a MMORPG based completely around sex?  Would you be really ugly at level 1?

<Tegehel> Yes, you would start REAL butt-ugly, like, hairy and smelly, and you know not too attractive (smelly perhaps, with bad hair).

<EvilMu> If I was playing the game as a male, I thin I’d put all my points into endurance.  :P

<Tegehel> Endurance? Heh! I would think we’d have new skills and attributes as well. Attractiveness, endurance (yes), size of the sexual organs and chest I would assume, hair lenght and color, etc.

<EvilMu> Yeah but… endurance is one of the most important attributes.  Or so I’ve been told by various women, most of whom were leaving my apartment.

<Tegehel> I see. Expert, huh? Minuteman, they call you ?

<EvilMu> Being a minuteman is like a dream to me.  I need to learn more about baseball so I can have something to recite to myself while I’m in the act.

<Tegehel> …

<EvilMu> You see?  It’s just like a regular RPG.  Just like people can roleplay someone who isn’t a total geek in AC, I would be able to play someone who was sexually successful in this game.  My $10 a month is ready!

<Tegehel> But to come (heh) back to our subject, I’d say it has great potential. Interaction would be awesome and very funny and exciting too, and you’ll also have merchants, and places to go.

Merchants would sell you toys (dildos, whips, cuffs and leather outfits, condoms, creams, books and sex tricks) and places would be where you could "do it". Say you always wanted to do it in the White House? In real life, you couldn’t, wouldn’t (unless you were interning there), but in Cybersexspace, heck! Becomes a sexual institution if people decide that way.

<EvilMu> What sort of trade skills are you considering?  Uh, hypothetically, that is.

<Tegehel> Trade skills? Help me there (brainstorming).

<EvilMu> Like a version of alchemy, etc… leatherworking is too obvious.

<Tegehel> Animal taming :) ROFL

<EvilMu> Goats for sale!

<Tegehel> Well, you could be a "toy " maker or have the knowledge of what herbs or weeds to mix to create the perfect "Barry-White Love Potion, Baby", or mix sex-enhancing drugs or that allow you to assume superhuman physical positions and perform the ultimate orgasm (which should work like mana, perhaps).

<EvilMu> So, how would you gain experience and level?  It’s not like you’re running around killing and robbing shit like in every other MMORPG.

<Tegehel> No, you’d probably get it by experience in 1) sexual performance  2) finishing quests (find the last virgin in the island, for instance – of course, this one is doomed to failure)   3) finding new treatments, etc…

Perhaps, every level  you gain, you can perform a new position? And experiment with that?

You can also play voyeur, or you know, not being physically/directly involved if you really wanted to… or be a Film Director :)

<EvilMu> Does this mean that you’re thinking of implementing a PfP switch?

<Tegehel> I think the switch should be on all the time.  And perhaps, evading some forceful attacks would also be part of the game. As well as, you know, STDs and things like that you could potentially catch if you’re not prepared, strong enough or protected.

<EvilMu> Will that be a problem for "roleplayers" who would complain a lot about the PF’s?

<Tegehel> That’s the point of the game, though. If you join, you know there are risks. I mean, if you enter Lesbian-To, chances are that that big hairy guy looking at your ass will probably approach you from any angle at one point, and well, unless you can cut his dick off, you’re pretty much "in". But that would be the combat part of the game, you see?

<EvilMu> Well yeah, but people knew that in UO and still complained a lot.  Players will always complain about a game that isn’t what they think it should be for all people.

<Tegehel> There must be way to counter attack if needed.

<EvilMu> Silver chastity belt?

<Tegehel> The belt could be a powerful incentive to get the key (quest).

I’m thinking "traps". Put some weird-ass powder on you and if you are attacked, the perpetrator would get whatever that powder does (you are immune to it, of course). STD, or some horrible scratches, whatever…

<EvilMu> I’m not sure the gaming public is ready for a multiplayer online game about rough gay sex.  :P

<Tegehel> I think people are sexually repressed. The people who are conservative in real life would be the worst perverts in this game, fucking cactii and gangbanging all day long.

* EvilMu wonders if anyone from Turbine PR is looking over Teg’s shoulder while he types this insane shit :P

* Tegehel knows people will think Teg has turned wacko, but Teg also know that this game does has a real potential.

<EvilMu> You remember the complaining about that UO guild who used to PK people and emote *Ass Rape* over the corpse?

<Tegehel> Yes, I do. The difference, as I see it, is that UO was definitevely NOT about sex. Whereas this game would be. I think to sexually abuse someone in wrong anyway, but if it’s in a game in which sex is the game itself, it’d probably be more accepted, although still a poor choice obviously. UO is a medieval RPG, sex has nothing to do with UO. Or should not.

<EvilMu> Thing is, considering the way that typical players get in MMORPG’s, pretty soon this game would turn into a bunch of little kids running around just fucking everyone in sight.  How does this affect the appeal to people who would just want to log in and experience some free animal love for a while without paranoia?

<Tegehel> Well, this question can relate to present MMPs. Like in AC now, you have many different players playing very differently: some are annoying and you have to live with them or ignore them. There should be some minimal laws to be respected, I think, and if you do not follow them, the advocate can "castrate" you so that you can’t do anything but watch for hours :) like Vitae. Heh.

<EvilMu> I think this game would have a lot of obstacles to overcome in the politically correct US market. to say the least.  :P

<Tegehel> That game is pure theory and won’t make it for years, if it indeed does.  (And not by Turbine!!!)  But the concept of a sexually free society is appealing to me. Even if virtual. Abuses are the main problem.

<EvilMu> I wonder what Microsoft would think about financing a project like this.  :P

<Tegehel> I can tell you that, even if they won’t finance it, some of them WILL play it ;)

<EvilMu> I know I would, just to see what the fuck everyone was complaining about.  :P

<Tegehel> Indeed. It would be such a great social study of the most primitive human instinct at work. Genius! A sexual anarchical microcosm

<EvilMu> So it is sorta like UO.

<Tegehel> But I’ll make it more appealing : visually beautiful and with surround sounds and special effects, and the whole shebang!

<EvilMu> Shebang?  :P

<Tegehel> (insert pun explanation chart here)

<EvilMu> You think you’d get female players into the sex game?  Not like many of them play MMORPG’s anyway…

<Tegehel> I don’t know the percentage of women players really, but I think if you make that game FUN, people will at least try it. Women too. Who said women didn’t like sex ?

<EvilMu> Well some women said that, as they were leaving my apartment…

<Tegehel> Ah! But you see, that sex game would do wonders for you, MU :)

<EvilMu> DAMNIT I WANT THE SEX GAME

Have you thought of a name for it?

<Tegehel> Name? Not really, no.

<EvilMu> EverBreast?

<Tegehel> Sex’s Call ?

<EvilMu> Dominate Online?

<Tegehel> Ultimatly On ?

*** Charlie3 has joined #tegstorment

<Tegehel> Quite the right moment to join, buddy

<Charlie3> Really.

<Tegehel> Sort of…

<Charlie3> I am always lucky… lol

Sort of, well that doesnt sound too good.

<Tegehel> Mu can explain if he wants to…

<EvilMu> Charlie3, you ever play online MMORPG’s?

<Tegehel> SexerQuest perhaps ?

<Charlie3> No, sorry I haven’t but I do learn quickly.

<EvilMu> We need a name for a… hypothetical multiplayer online role-playing game all about weird sex.

<Charlie3> Hmmm

<Tegehel> Yes, hmmm… :)  SexCraft ?  Sexual Annihilation ?

<Charlie3> Fantasy Flight.  Flights of Fantasy.

<EvilMu> …

<Tegehel> Ah! that’s not bad… it has the sex AND drug connotation.

<Charlie3> :) Glad i could help

<EvilMu> Hmm, dunno, not foul enough.

<Charlie3> Need it more vulgar?

<Tegehel> Ah! Well, he needs more raunchy.

<EvilMu> Bad puns appreciated.

<Tegehel> Let me think…

<EvilMu> Strap-OnCraft

<Tegehel> ROFL

<EvilMu> WhoreCraft II

<Tegehel> LeatherQuest? HeadHunter II? Lara Crotch and her Boob Raiders?

<EvilMu> Schwing Commander?

<Tegehel> Schwing Commander is good.

<EvilMu> Is all this really going on the page?  :P

<Tegehel> OH YEAH! What do you think ?

<EvilMu> Hell, I’ll print anything.  :P

* EvilMu sees Tegehel at the unemployment office :P

<Tegehel> POKEMUFF !!!!

<EvilMu> ROFLMAO

<Tegehel> THAT’s the ONE!

<EvilMu> Consensus from the LAN room is that you win!

*** Charlie3 has left #tegstorment

<EvilMu> Thanks for playing, Charlie3!

<Tegehel> I would have too. Poor guy, he must think we’re insane. And well, he’s right…

<EvilMu> By the way you seen the before and after pics of Killcreek?

<Tegehel> No I have not actually.

<EvilMu> Seems somehow topical.  :P

<Tegehel> I just noticed the link…"asscreek"???

<EvilMu> there’s a funny alternate url for it too which I can’t find…

http://hey.i.got.a.tit.job.but.now.i.need.herpeshelp.org/~ellis/asscreek/

Oh haha… Shad just asked me if the new game will include "Britishing".

<Tegehel> I am not familiar with the term…explain please. (although I have a slight idea)

<EvilMu> Ever read http://www.oldmanmurray.com/?

<Tegehel> Sometimes, but not often.

<EvilMu> They have some great Asheron’s Call beta chronicles.  They’re so good they’ve shamed me into not updating in a while.  :P  Anyway, the term "Britishing" is from their EQ review…

<Tegehel> Gotta read them, I JUST noticed! Where have I been all this time? So, they crammed EQ politely, is that what it means ?

<EvilMu> Uh, no, here’s the excerpt…

Sick of UO? Think you could make a quick buck building your character and selling it? Until one of these games has whores you can visit, it will simply not be real world enough for erik.

Rebuttal from erik, GED:
What the hell are you talking about? The only reason I play UO is for all the "Britishing": paying real world dollars to people for cyber-sex, then player killing them as I climax. That’s the only reason anyone plays UO – all the violent sex. Jesus, man, where have you been?

<Tegehel> I ask myself the same question. Where have I been ?

<EvilMu> If you haven’t been reading OMM, you’ve been in the wrong place.  :P

<Tegehel> So it seems. I will avidly read their reviews now.

<EvilMu> This interview has a funny pace to it… once in a while I try and get back to AC, but then it’s like, naw FUCK AC, let’s talk more about this sex game!

<Tegehel> Dude, it’s Saturday, it’s 23:30 and I’m listening to Acid Jazz…What do you expect?

 


 

Part Seven:  Mu and Teg Try to Talk About
Asheron’s Call and Fail Miserably

<EvilMu> Well, what’s the story on AC?  Will there be more graphical enhancements before final, or are you pretty much in the "get it to work so we can hit a deadline" mode?

<Tegehel> Most definitely the second option. It’s lock (the project) and load (on the shelves).

<EvilMu>  Anything you wish you had time to refine or redo before release?  There always is, but is there anything that really bugs you about the state of the product?

<Tegehel> I’d say If I could, I’d redo all the creatures…remodel, retexture map and reanimate. But that won’t happen. It’s purely a fantasy.

<EvilMu> Are you the guy who is responsible for the new death sounds?

<Tegehel> Well, I made some and implemented them indeed. There were always present, there was just a bug that didn’t trigger them properly.

<EvilMu> Katyara was quite disturbed by the dying drudge sounds.  I love them personally.  :P

<Tegehel> Didn’t like them?

<EvilMu> They just unsettled her I think.  More like a cat dying.  I tried to comfort her by telling her that to get them, Teg got a cat and killed it in the office while recording.  Didn’t seem to help, though.

<Tegehel> I can imagine. Well, they did always sound like cats anyways, didn’t they? Tell her the cat didn’t suffer.

<EvilMu> I’m sure she’ll read it here, if she doesn’t get disgusted by the sex game chat and stops reading.  :P

<Tegehel> I think people will get shocked at first, perhaps, but once you know the true nature of the human mind, you know it’s almost unavoidable. Sex is part of life and became, somehow Taboo to speak of it. So, why not make a game out of it, make it fun… etc…

This society is repressed (not only the US, but almost everywhere really). It’s too bad.

<EvilMu> I agree, I just think the litigious, PC world of modern America would find some way to whine and protest it.

<Tegehel> Absolutely. But people will always find something to say about anything, be it positive or negative. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one -Clint Eastwood, "Dirty Harry" I think.

<EvilMu> True true…

<Tegehel> It’s always controversial to speak of something that people believe to be a personal issue only (within the couple), but it has become a social issue now, with AIDS and sexual abuses at the office, used as psychological warfare, etc…it just cannot be ignored any  longer.

You know, that whole sex game thing brings an interesting subect though:  people are afraid of 1) change and 2) innovation.  That’s why new products (the game for instance) are so popular: it’s damn NEW and has never been seen before.

<EvilMu> Absolutely.  Which is why most games suck these days.  All clone games, and usually bad clones.

<Tegehel> Take the WarCraft approach… Well, you nailed me here. I was going to say that exactly.

<EvilMu> Haha, sorry.  :P

<Tegehel> NP… but you see my point.

<EvilMu> It’s really true though… most games are cloned from Quake, cloned from Warcraft, or… well, maybe cloned from Mechwarrior, I suppose.

<Tegehel> Yes, and now that we have 3 (three!!! only) MMPOG, you can bet that the following ones will have concepts found in UO, EQ and AC (the good ones I hope) but I’m really afraid of another-clone-with-different-content. Innovation I say!

<EvilMu> Actually, this is good, because it brings up something I forgot about in my haze… is Turbine ready for the customer support nightmare that’s sure to come on final?

<Tegehel> It will be, I believe a joint effort between MS and Turbine, but I think MS has the big part of the pie in that domain. Yes, I believe they are ready, but frankly I think they don’t have a choice; they HAVE to be ready, right ?

<EvilMu> Well, Origin wasn’t ready.  It seemed Verant was ready in the beginning but this has changed considerably.

<Tegehel> I think those are issues important enough that MS and Turbine took them in serious consideration. But I don’t know the details, so I’d rather not say something wrong.

<EvilMu> It’s impossible to tell before release anyway, really.  However, support is probably the #1 factor in customer loyalty these days.  I know it’s about #1 or #2 for me.

<Tegehel> What’s the other for you?

<EvilMu> That’s kinda ambiguous… basically, the game has to be "good" somehow.  It’s sort of an overall evaluation of fun factor, interface, intelligence required, etc.  I’d say lack of bugs on release too, but I stick that under support.

For instance, I really loved Heavy Gear by Activision.  I won’t buy shit from Activision now because I have firsthand knowledge of their horrible support and break/fix philosophy.

<Tegehel> Right. Gameplay and fun factor definitely. Since you can’t really chose who you’re playing with, you’re going to have good and bad social experiences, but if it can be somehow enhanced by the game, the product itself, then it’s a winner.

<EvilMu>  Ever played AvP?

<Tegehel> No, never played it. I want to though.

* EvilMu prepares a really boring ass story

<EvilMu> AvP is a really great shooter.  Single player is amazing, esp. in 32 bit color, and LAN play is fun to a degree, although the multi gets monotonous after a while.  But in internet play, my comp would lock after about 3 seconds of logging in.  This problem was something I hasd in Q2, and the problem was too many fps on my crazy 3d array.  Solution was to limit maxfps to 30 over the net.  So, I called Fox and asked them about this, and emailed them as well.

Here was their answer:  "Uh, you can’t limit your maxfps in the game, how about you run a lot of programs in the background while you play to slow down your computer?"

<Tegehel> ……………………………..

<EvilMu> Needless to say, my faith in Fox Interactive support is somewhat diminished, and this will affect my future purchases.  :P

I still recommend AvP for single player though.  But no way will I ever take multiplayer networking code into consideration should they ever release another game.

<Tegehel> I can understand. I wonder if the person who helped you didn’t really had the tech knowledge though (shouldn’t be answering the phone then, I assume).  Maybe it was the janitor or something ?

<EvilMu> Well, the email reply was the same, and they had plenty of time to get "the right guy" for that.  Legend has it that the actual coding team barely even talks to Fox, who does the support.

<Tegehel> I see. Miscommunication. I heard a lot of horror stories of that infamous genre.

<EvilMu> Same thing with Activision distributing Quake II.  Before Maraxus helped me limit the maxfps, the activision answer was, "Download our patch 3.12!", which was at a time when 3.15 was out.

<Tegehel> …

<EvilMu> The problem was it was too damn fast for the net.  The framerate was causing the client to try and update like 80 times per second.  :P  Well, that was a problem in Heavy Gear too… the slow connection had an advantage over the fast one because of completely shitty networking code.

<Tegehel> Time to update your 3D card, Mu. It’s too powerful.  Or downgrade, really… get a 28.8…

<EvilMu> Bah analog is so bourgeois.

<Tegehel> The result counts, though.

<EvilMu> Back to the imaginative design thing… You could always sell the AC engine to unimaginative companies so they can market cheapass clones.  That’s the id thing these days… why make Quake III a full working game, when you can have a demo of your game engine to show to other companies?

<Tegehel> Sure, why not? Although I have absolutely no say in the matter, I’m sure it’s always an option. Hefner should buy it I think, because now he has the engine AND the idea. (And I want a % of it…man the money that’s gonna make!!)

<EvilMu> Is that guy even still alive?

<Tegehel> He must be a tad old now but I think he’s still alive, yes. Flint would be a better target though.  He’s more hardcore.

<EvilMu> Flint would actually do it… Hefner would try to make it "tasteful" somehow and blow it.

<Tegehel> I’d like to see a softcore version though, like a high-end "Leisure Suit Larry". HEY! that’s an idea!!! Leisure Suit Larry Online, in 3D! There you go!

<EvilMu> Hmm, has potential, and less likely to be banned…

<Tegehel> Very much so. I’d model, animate and texture map. :)

And, ho! lots of R&D <G>

<EvilMu> That game would be all about the art.  :P

<Tegehel> Pretty much actually. Content? Sure, quest and law… I’d love to work on the "physics" engine : )

<EvilMu> Model animations are EVERYTHING!

OK, some AC shit so real game geeks will find something they can relate to… what’s the real target for final now?

<Tegehel> Real target? I don’t even know myself. Around Xmas? What do they fans know? I swear, they sometimes seem to know more than I do (and probably do in most cases). What’s the last rumor? Follow the yellow rumor road…

<EvilMu> Current rumor is holiday season 99, so it will work for a month before the servers are found to be Y2K non-compliant.

<Tegehel> ROFLMAO

* EvilMu realizes this interview is never going to be done and will just post the chat log raw on the forum :P

<Tegehel> No, no that chat is a true piece of entertainment. Let’s not trash it.

 


 

Part Eight:  Shadwolf Eats a Dog

<EvilMu> Lessee… can I have that slacker job?

<Tegehel> Job? What job? Can you cook sushi? We need a chef…

<EvilMu> Can I cook?  I invented the concept of the Bacon Blue Cheese Taco!  :~/

* Tegehel ‘s heart skips a beat

<EvilMu> http://www.taco.com/shadwolf/recipe/recipe.html

<Tegehel> "The resultant foods may not be fit for human consumption." AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAH!  Is that from you really?  Look conspicuously salubrious.

<EvilMu> Well the recipe is mine… the page is Shad’s.  I haven’t tried the dog recipe yet.

<Tegehel> Butcher and take dog meat and fry in oil… That has a very…. raw… feeling to it.

<EvilMu> You’d have to ask Shad about it.  He actually ate it.

<Tegehel> Death tea, I can relate… Dead dog, nah.

<EvilMu> It would be a big hit at Zach’s though

<Tegehel> I think you might be right. The Tea would be a big hit though, these late nights…

<EvilMu> Shad lives on it.  I can only eat a bacon taco about once a month.  It has strange effects on your body.

<Tegehel> I noticed ;p

*** Shadwolf has joined #tegstorment

<Tegehel> I gotta try that blue-cheese bacon taco. Intriguingly salubrious, like I said.

<Shadwolf> What’s wrong with eating dog?

<Tegehel> Hullo.

<EvilMu> This interview will never be done.  :P

<Tegehel> I think not.

<Shadwolf> No worse than eating pussy, is it?

<Tegehel> Nothing wrong with eating dog, I was just asking if they were breeding them, doing like we did with cows and pigs…

* EvilMu goes and smokes while Shadwolf takes over for a few :P

<Shadwolf> Yeah, big Great Dane looking beasts.  They actually got pissed when I asked if I could order poodle.  I hate poodles.

<Tegehel> Everybody hates poodles (on a sidenote).

<Shadwolf> Will your new game include poodles?

<Tegehel> Dane Farm? Well, that’s a new one for me… Well, why not? I want squirrels.

<Shadwolf> Squirrel?  Isn’t that kind of a tight fit?

<Tegehel> Duct-taped hamsters, then ?

<Shadwolf> You loot the corpse of Overzealous.  You find a plastic tube and some Duct tape.

<Tegehel> hehheee

<Shadwolf> Mu will be back – he has to vomit from smoking too fast.  Wuss!

<Tegehel> What kinda shit is he smoking ?

<Shadwolf> Some pansy gourmet cigarrettes.

<Tegehel> Bourgeois!

<Shadwolf> Gimme a Camel (Hack, sputter)!

<Tegehel> Without filters, I assume ?

<Shadwolf> Filters are for wimps

<Tegehel> Heck, why don’t you just eat raw tobacco ?

<Shadwolf> Nah, I had a bad run in with Mint Dip and Everclear.

<Tegehel> I can imagine. Yes. I think I’ll pass.

* Tegehel noticed the dialog went rather monolinear suddenly

* Shadwolf is NOT one of them Bilinear types – strictly women for me!

<EvilMu> Goddamnit they are NOT pansy cigarettes!

Err, back to topic… you think your credibility in the game dev community will go way down if anyone ever reads this interview?

<Shadwolf> If it does hurt your credibility, do you think you have a career in Playgirl?

<Tegehel> Playgirl? I don’t have the abs, hehhhh.  I am not the entire dev team, and besides, I am not Tegehel…

<EvilMu> You mean I’ve been interviewing… an IMPOSTER???

<Tegehel> That’s a shock! Well, I think that people will understand that it’s so unofficial that it doesn’t matter :)  Besides, in the MU.RANTER.NET, people should know what to expect anyways.

<EvilMu> Well that’s true… but do you really want to be dragged down by the site’s lameness and inaccessibility to the "mainstream"?

<Shadwolf> Mainstream?  I thought we were the "in" crowd.

<Tegehel> No, I actually enjoy being able to say those thing in here since I know that people reading any Mu’s content already have lower expectations (hee, don’t get me wrong – I mean, they expect to hear from thing they wouldn’t in a respectable establishment). Besides, I don’t care what people think. I am who I am and that’s that.

<Shadwolf> Mu said the same thing when I asked him why he was wearing that feather boa.

<EvilMu> Bastich.  :P

<Shadwolf> Our standards aren’t lower – just different….

<Tegehel> True, that’s what I meant. Not in a pejorative sense at all.

<EvilMu> I notice your TOTD already skirts the edge of gaming community respectability.  You think that this is catching on, and soon every jackass with a site will start to act pissy and mean to me hip?

me hip = be hip

<Shadwolf> huked on tiping

<Tegehel> I think if every jackass does it without taste, humour and intelligence it’s going to sink faster than the Titanic. I don’t know if it’s catching on, but it seems that people like to read it. It’s entertaining (I hope) and on the edge of PCness, while still being respectful of important (personal) issues. I speak what I think is happening sometimes, what my experiences are and my thought of the day (hence the title). I get mostly good feedback actually, and of course, I have bad and good days in my TOTD. I have not gotten any insulting letters as of yet :)

Also, in my TOTD, I try to stay away from the content I find on the other AC site. News is news and I don’t feel the need to spread it even more. I try to find issues or weird things to talk about that somehow relate to RPG.

* EvilMu desperately tries to think of how to turn this mass of text into a real article somehow

<Tegehel> Mu, more questions? I am getting a bit tired and have 40 mn to drive till I hit the bed…

* Tegehel looks at Shad…then at Mu…then at the wall again. In the distance, the cat’s eating the dead bird (haiku)

<EvilMu> Welp, ok… any idea when they’re fixing archery?  :P

* EvilMu figures Teg doesn’t know about archery fixes

<Tegehel> Archery is fixed, as for now. I mean. It’s always fixed. It might change again for balance issues. People aren’t HAPPY with archery ? (ho!)

<EvilMu> Well, the archers are happy.

<Tegehel> Indeed. But archers in close combats are dead, so it’s balanced, no ?

<EvilMu> Well sorta… but when a friend of mine who has a 26th level fighter type makes an archer who kills harder shit at 10th level, and faster… something might be amiss.  I went on a trip with a 6th level archer who was dropping crazy (10th-12th level) shit in about 4 seconds, while I was getting in and out of magic mode and watching things drop before my spells fired.

<Shadwolf> You have friends?

<EvilMu> Not after this interview gets out.  :P

<Tegehel> I see your point. Welps, the answer is:  I don’t deal with that and I don’t really follow EVERY change they make, so…

<EvilMu> OK, I’ll ask that of someone else if I can corner them for pointless IRC.  :P

Any last thought, plugs, messages, haikus?

<Tegehel> Okay.

* EvilMu says, Killcreek’s breasts are large, yet Daikatana still sucks, give up Romero

* Tegehel has answered ludicrously. Shadwolf ate a spoonful of curry. Mu eats the cat who ate the bird.

* EvilMu claps

<Tegehel> and Shad eats the dog.

* Shadwolf Burps.

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