Before we get into this, let me point out some things which should be accepted as axioms:

  • Metsclubhouse.com is a site by Max and his brother about the New York Mets (a baseball team, so I’m told), with some stuff and writing which is of no doubt great interest to Mets fans.
  • I personally have never given a rat’s ass about baseball, and the only thing I know about the Mets is that my late step-grandfather occasionally hauled me out to the cheap seats when his company gave him free tickets (probably in lieu of a medical plan or something), and I pretended to have a good time while looking for good positions in the stadium to lurk with a sniper rifle.
  • None of this fazed Max, who called me every day when the site was being made to make sure I was properly aware of it.

On August 20, 1999, forum regular Max Longstreet called me at home and announced, in that giggly high girly voice he uses when he thinks he’s doing something important, that he and his brother Lo (known to college students and music lovers all along the east coast as the DM of the Northern Continent campaign) had finally opened their website.  Metsclubhouse.com was online and active, and so naturally Max wanted me to immediately put up a link to it on the page.  Bear in mind that this is minutes before I was about to go on vacation with Max, and my computer had been dismantled for the trip.  When I told him it would have to wait until I got back, he started hyperventilating and stuttering protests:  "Wha… you… I… ah… how long can it take to put up a link?"  He then pointed out that the fact that I couldn’t update a link to the appropriate HTML pages in under 30 seconds with a dismantled, offline computer was probably due to my lousy technical skills.  He then asked me where the "any" key was because he couldn’t find it, I hung up and we went on vacation.

Naturally, this didn’t stop Max from posting his address on Shadwolf’s board.

Attention Met Fans
by Mets Maniac posted 8/20/99 11:47:27 AM

Go to metsclubhouse.com for stupid rants about the greatest baseball team in the world!

Hello Max (NT)
by Shadwolf posted 8/20/99 12:15:04 PM

Since Max was too shy to spam the Mu forum as well, Shad did with a link and one line… "FLAME THIS SITE!"  Nobody paid attention.

When Max got back from vacation, he checked his email, remembering that just before he left town he had forwarded everything from his address as Mets Maniac to his regular account.  He had received 2 emails over the course of the week, both of them probably spam  from some gay porn site Shadwolf signed him up for.  After hearing him cry about their lack of traffic (on a brand new site that was niche-oriented with little to no advertising), I thought it would be nice to go visit the site, maybe sign the guestbook.  It seemed someone was way ahead of me though.

Yo! Your page has inspired me. I plan on attending every Mets game I can to root root root for the home team! I created my very own funny hat to wear to show I am a true fan! I’d also like to add that I just love roooooooooooleplaying in my funny hat!
Ravenous Fan <ilikecake@aol.com>
Brooklyn, NY USA -

d3wd! Wher can i get a k3wl h@t lik yourz? i want tu r013play t00!
B@tdo0d <B@tdo0d@aol.com>
USA -

B@tdo0d r0X!!!111 H3′s l337!!!111 MaX LNoGStrET, oN TjhIng TO SsaY —— CRop poR cRoP pOr  CrOp PoR U sUk.. B@tdo0d ROX!!!111
MeTZ SuX!!!111 <acid-monkey@home.com>
Phoenix, AZ USA -

This is a way inside joke about Max, who is often chided by everyone else about his roleplaying game abilities.  You can always count on Max’s character to have "wears a silly hat" as one of his personality quirks.  (Sadly a lot of UO players think a silly hat means you’re roleplaying too.)  I still don’t know who posted this; probably Constrictor.  It’s twisted and inside enough for him.

Still the guestbook was kinda thin.  Max asked me to add something, after grumbling that he would try to get the previous post deleted.  Sympathetic to his cause, I signed the guestbook.

Uh I lost my login information again. Metsguru, can you email my username and password again? Thanks.
Mets Maniac <metsmaniac@metsclubhouse.com>
USA -

Max immediately started frothing that is wasn’t nice to post under his name.  (This from the guy who posted as just about everyone else when the Mu forum was new.  8P)  of course he went to his brother, who actually did the technical stuff on the site, to complain.  Lo thought it was funny.

I wasn’t alone though.  How long can this go on before we all get banned?  8P

Metsmaniac – you never put up your counter reply in the "KY: pros and cons" thread. Someone said you could be found here, though.  Please respond!
Happyboy <Happyboy@fagmail.com>
USA -

Days went by, and still traffic was thin.  Eager to help, I noticed they had a forum!

I love the New York Mets!
Posted by Mets Freak on September 02, 1999 at 14:22:34:

And I mean that quite literally. It’s not like I’m just a big fan or anything. I feel a deep, driving, hot gay lust for each and every member of the team. Does anyone know if any of the current lineup are closeted gay or bi? I’d love to be the laundry boy at Shea… living in a divine miasma of inhabable towels and athletic supporters.  So come on Mets, drive one deep down the middle. I’ve got the Bonilla if you’ve got the Orel.

Here’s a message that is apparently from Kel_Riever, who was at work at the time of the posting and had no net access.  Is Max back up to his old tricks?  For shame!

Masato Yoshii
Posted by Kel_Riever on September 02, 1999 at 16:12:57:

I think Masato Yoshii is the best Mets player of all time. I think he should start more, and his weakness’ will iventuilly emprove. I also think Mr. Yoshii will surprise everyone, as his strength with the bat will come to thu forfrunt and just wait till you see a team with a pitcher who can hit. With 9 players, it will be like making your team 1/9th more better than the other natiunal league teams. And then, just wait till they play in the World Series! Because those American leagurs cant hit (the pitchers, that is). Go Mets!

Unfortunately it was really Kel, and it makes sense.  Here’s a joke that nobody but a Mets fan would understand, and still 90% of them would not get, thinking it was a real fan post.  Let’s Go Mets!

U sUk d00d!!!111
Posted by U l4MeR!!11 on September 16, 1999 at 01:59:14:

MeTs zUCk @$$!!!111

ur sit3 suCKs. MU’s Stie RooLs!!!111

Did anyone catch that game?
Posted by Mets Fan on September 19, 1999 at 01:03:57:

oh man! That was the best game ever. Especially when that guy did that thing! That was so awesome! FYI: I’m not a pothead, I’m a crackhead which explains why I likle the Mets, you losers!

Sadly, owing to those "seasons" things that sports people keep trying to explain to me, Mets Clubhouse goes through long, long periods of inactivity with no message board traffic or updates *cough*.  I therefore am posting this incredibly uninteresting page, which was originally going to be about another instance of web site terrorism, to archive the brief flash of greatness that was wiseass posting at Mets Clubhouse.

Not that I’d actually encourage anyone to do it again, of course…

 

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