Do you have plans for late August?  Does the idea of a week-long idyllic woodland retreat sound good to you?  Are you interested in getting away from it all in the White Mountains of New Hampshire on beautiful Squam Lake (the shooting location for On Golden Pond)?  Do you like nature but would rather experience it from inside the pampered shelter of a maid-serviced cabin?  Are you a hottie?  Then read on!  Your fantasies could be fulfilled!

Win a trip to picturesque Squam Lakes, where you will spend a week in the company of web luminary Musashi and his wacky sidekick Max Longstreet.  Play tennis all day and endless rounds of vicious cutthroat poker all night.  Take a canoe out onto Squam itself and fish for Walter, the mythical bass.  Hike up rugged Rattlesnake Mountain and enjoy the breathtaking view.  Rub elbows with filthy rich people who are trying to maintain a low profile.  Stay up into the night, listening for the lugubrious cry of the endangered loon, native to the lake.  And sunbathing.  Lots of sunbathing.  Mmmmm.

Previously only open to a select few, the "Squam Trip" has a long and colorful history.  Some of the incidents which those lucky enough to have been there fondly recall include the 40-hour poker game, the manatee incident, banishing giggly annoying people to the longhouse, driving those damn Brae Covers nuts, lobster unlimited, the "guess what those stupid kids screwed up this year" game, and of course, sleep.
 
 

Here's what you get:

A week (somewhere around the end of August 1999, we'll figure out when in a bit) in Squam, N.H., with Mu and Max.

If you don't live too out of the way, transportation from the New Jersey area to Squam via a seemingly endless trip in a cramped, ancient vehicle.  Return trip at Mu and Max's discretion.

Ready access to recreational activities including hiking, fishing, tennis, swimming, and sunbathing.  Mmmmm.

All the bland starchy food you can stand at a really bad cafeteria, and limited mooching rights to Mu's gallon-sized bottle of Tabasco to cover it up.

Lots and lots of beer, homemade sangria, bizarre snack foods, hard liquor, single malt scotches, and overwhelming amounts of Mu's cappucino to counteract the effects of the alcohol.  Any sort of other alcoholic beverage which you may be particularly susceptible to can be stocked upon request from New Hampshire's fine assortment of state-sponsored booze marts.

Personalized instruction in the classic non-computer games of our century, including poker (training funds of no less than $300 not included), chess, whatever RPG or boardgame Mu and Max tossed in their bags before coming up, and sunbathing.  Mmmmm.

Here's who qualifies:

Females only, at least 18 years of age (21 to drink legally, huhuh hehe huhuhuh).  Males can enter as well, but their prize is limited to sending us their money so that we and the contest winners may better enjoy the trip, ridicule on the home page, and possibly a vicious beating.

Because of the isolated, get in touch with your feelings nature of Squam, only single females with no current serious relationships will be accepted in order to avoid complications arising from pining emotions, confusion regarding loyalty, and angry boyfriends.  Exceptions can be made for those willing to roleplay a single uncommitted female for the duration of the vacation.

Plusses:  impressionability, selflessness, roleplaying talent, ability to keep secrets, proficiencies in internal martial arts of southern China, voice like Girl 6, understanding attitude toward slavery, contortionist background.

Disqualification can occur for any reason Mu and Max can dream up, but especially if you look significantly different from your picture.

Here's how to enter:

Send email to Musashi including the GIF/JPG images that you feel best exemplify your qualifications, including a full body shot.  Mmm huhuh hehe huhuhuh.  In addition, include a short essay/novella/catch-phrase describing why you are the right person to accompany us.

Here's how winners (up to as many as we think we can get away with) will be determined:

The judging panel, consisting of Musashi and Max Longstreet, will review the entries based on factors which absolutely no one can even begin to fathom, but suffice to say that visual evidence is more compelling than anything on the face of the planet.  Mmm huhuh hehe huhuhuh.

Questions?  Concerns?  Complaints?

All queries regarding this contest, especially those of a negative nature, should be directed to cranky ex-Deathlands StarCraft league administrator Lagavulin.

Disclaimer:  This is not a real contest, but prospective hottie entrants may still be invited to go to Squam with Mu and Max based on the same criteria outlined above.  Any replies, entries, etc. are subject to posting on the site, possibly resulting in hilarious ridicule.  Any attempt to deduce that Mu and Max are desperate losers from the contents of this page are probably correct, but more Max than Mu.  If you think this page is funny, charming, and mildly arousing, feel free to share you comments with Musashi via the forum or email.  If you are offended by this page, it was all Max's idea.