Archive for the “Fights With People” Category

I’ve been getting some fun comments from someone who is so smart he doesn’t even need to read an article before criticizing. That person is the redoubtable Richard Kulisz, who has been such a good contributor that I’m glad to make a full post just about him. He’s famous too, and you can read more about his exciting career here, here, here, and here (edit: also here), just for a start. Hell, he even has his own appreciation society.

Now to be fair, his comments started off fairly rational-sounding, if not always on target. It was kind of interesting watching the mania grow and grow as the comments got less and less pertinent to the source material. The old me would have helped him along, slowly whipping him up into a frenzy through careful insertions of responses designed to trigger his hindbrain through subliminal manipulation, like "no, u." The new me? It’s not really that I’m any nicer a person. I just don’t care.

Here are some exciting excerpts from his collection of (as of this writing) 29 comments, maybe with more to come assuming he doesn’t notice that I’ve dropped him into the moderation queue and removed all his old diatribes.

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NOTE FROM 4/22/2001 – This was originally written off the cuff following the minor skirmishes that resulted from the big bad infamous balance AC rant of 11/17/2000.  I forgot all about it, since I gave myself a headache trying to analyze more posts from this brilliant analyst and probably blotted it out of my memory in self-preservation.  Having just dug it up, I now present it, 5 months out of date, in the hopes that its irrelevance may further bore and chase away readers.

I have many detractors.  Using logical and convincing arguments such as "this uses potty language so you shouldn’t read it," many forum paladins have tried to convince me of the error of my ways.  Up until now, I have been in denial, trying to convince myself that careful research, hard data, strong inference, repeated questioning, a desire to improve a gaming environment, and the truth were enough to justify my delusions that maybe I was doing something that some people might find worthwhile, or could possibly make a change for the better.  That day is over, for I have met my match, a debater so powerful and so grounded in unshakable truth, backed up by encyclopaedic knowledge of just about everything, that I can no longer hold my head up and say, "I have an idea."

That man… is Sarec of Frostfell(Wall Licker).

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Things had been quiet on the forum for a long time. Many long-standing Freak Squad members were out plying their trades on the WTFMan board, the Lum board, on their own pages, and even (gasp) in real life! Like a unified force they cried out: "We live to fight! The battle is our life! Let our fury descend on the enemy, as it did in the days of the Mushroom War, leaving naught but a barren, scorched landscape behind, inhabited only by those too stupid to realize they had been defeated!" Yet Musashi was silent. A brief opportunity in the form of "Bones" appeared on the forum, but almost instantly was judged too horrible a threat to tolerate, and so quick and decisive black bag action rendered him impotent (figuratively as well as literally), leaving legions of frustrated Freaks, armed to the teeth with no one to kill.

Then, like a gift from the War God, it came. The forces of Game of the Moment, prone to blind worship of their self-styled emperor Mark "Fewlio" Boyko, attacked the lands of the Mu forum with the same sort of reckless, regardless, and clueless abandon that lost them their last battle with the UIX Horizons board. A call to arms was sounded, and Lum the Mad was alerted by a misguided attempt by one of GotM’s few followers to recruit there, unaware that the Lum Cultists would no more stand for an incursion of GotM mongoloids than they would the continued existence of the Mushroom.

Why, then, is the title here "not so great?" Because "team GotM" never had a chance. They had no ability to argue, only slight ability to try and formulate insults, and no idea what they were fighting for… or who they were up against. Let this testament stand as a warning to future generations of bad website fans… stay at home. The world is a dangerous place. Especially if you open your fat idiot mouth.

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Note from 3/27/09:  I found a lot of weird stuff while migrating my site to the soulless CPU hogging lands of WordPress.  This was the beginning of a conflict page that never happened against "Bones," a notorious board spammer (much like Fewlio, but smarter and more articulate), goatse.cx linker, and all around fuckwit from the wild west era of teh intarwebz who plagued the Mu boards as well as some others… in this case, Joy of Villainy (long since updated a bunch of times).  It never got finished since Bones would periodically disappear, according to him, beaten by his father/uncle for posting stupid shit on the web.  He was either telling the truth or was a great satirist, though the smart money is on the former. 

Hopefully he’s dead now.  Let this be his memorial.

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Before we get into this, let me point out some things which should be accepted as axioms:

  • Metsclubhouse.com is a site by Max and his brother about the New York Mets (a baseball team, so I’m told), with some stuff and writing which is of no doubt great interest to Mets fans.
  • I personally have never given a rat’s ass about baseball, and the only thing I know about the Mets is that my late step-grandfather occasionally hauled me out to the cheap seats when his company gave him free tickets (probably in lieu of a medical plan or something), and I pretended to have a good time while looking for good positions in the stadium to lurk with a sniper rifle.
  • None of this fazed Max, who called me every day when the site was being made to make sure I was properly aware of it.

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It’s not so much of a deathmatch as it is a merciful euthanization of a so-called webmaster, forum spammer, gender bender, and all-around typical internet citizen when a whiny post by "H." appears in the middle of the Mu forum warzone!

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It all started with a link posted on the board on 6/17/99 by Shayla Shayla of ATL, a regular on the Joy of Villainy forum. While the same post was made to other forums, for some unknown reason the Mu forum seemed to generate the widest variety of crackpot threads. They are being reproduced here for the edification of future generations who might wonder just how weird the forum can get sometimes.

Conspicuously absent from the debate was Mu himself, who was believed to have just purchased Aliens vs. Predator and didn’t have time for such claptrap. However, here are a few of the highlights, internally anchored for her pleasure…

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Journal of the War Against the Mushroom

In early June of 1999, a small and petty man turned the world of gaming satire websites upside down with his remarkably unfunny approach to comedy, an approach which could only lead to bloodshed.  Before reading this ugly tale, you may wish to familiarize yourselves with the participants in this horrid drama…

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