They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.  I find this horribly sexist and would like it removed from the English vernacular, and will make a big fucking deal about it like some losers who get all uptight about a red dress in a video game, as it offends their insecurititties.  It is, in fact, the way to anyone’s heart, especially women’s, and mastery of the culinary arts can get you more in the trim department than a deep pile shag carpet and a provocatively placed cigar in your own private Oval Office.  Observe now as your hero wins over the heart and panties of one of the most powerful dangerous nicest-looking-in-a-red-dress monarchs in Asheron’s Call.

Red Text= Mu, master of seduction and brisket

White Text = Penny, trying hard to control her desire

As she slathered her rich, slow cooked brisket with the homemade barbecue sauce, some of it dripped on her finger.  She tenatively licked it, then drew her finger into her mouth, sucking it clean as she gazed longingly into his eyes…

i hate you.

*nukes a frozen pizza*

"Oh dear, I seem to have made a mess of myself," she said breathily.  "It’s all over my face.  Yours too…"  They drew close, tongues salivating in anticipation…

i’m dying mu..

"Don’t hurry," he panted.  "Barbecuing to perfection could take us hours… many many hours…"

obviously, your chick is at work :P

and needs to be home :P

"No, here, the fatty layer on top…" he said , turning her on her back.  "You want the juices to flow through the flesh, keeping it moist."  She giggled.  "Nothing to worry about there, my beloved chef…"

*logs*

i havent even gotten to the basting over the top vs injection methods :P

hhahahahah

oh man howard… PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEE send me some brisket…  well, at least your recipes :P

She squirmed as he slowly and lightly teased the mop sauce brush over the skin.  "God, I can’t wait… use the marinade injector!" she cried.  "Patience, patience…" he admonished, with a mischievious glint in his eye.

i’m going to start thinking you’ve written cheesy soft porn for a living soon :P

Not taking her eyes from his, she slowly pressed the center of a breast with one finger.  "It’s yielding,it’s soft, it’s ready…"

briskets have breasts?  or are you stretching :P

chickens do :P

hmmm… do a turkey…  :P

His skin beaded sweat like a rotisseried turkey, as hers glistened in the light playing off her as if she was a succulently honeyed ham…

oh stop…. my stomach hurts…

"Oh dear," she said, feeling underneath the meat.  "Maybe we need a drip pan…" "No my dear, there will be no shortage of juices tonight…" he answered.

She clenched her teeth in frustration as he took a tenative taste.  "Mmmm, savory…" "Oh please, please, let me sample something… "Tasting is for the chef, you know that, so I know when the dish is ready…"

you like this, dontcha, i can tell :P

i’m still wiping tears from my eyes :P

you can admit it, my bbq porn has caught your affections!

wicky wicky wow wicky wow

 

2 Responses to “Hot Sweaty ICQ Porn”
  1. Shay Collazo says:

    As a pregnant diabetic will I go up in flames reading this on easter?

  2. Absolutely not. That would require posting a comment.

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