First off, I have to say that this latest patch (not the mini-update Sunday) was pretty damn impressive.  Naturally, I was expecting snow and terrain texture changes and such, and a few "take object X to person Y for item Z" sort of cookie cutter quests, but as anyone who has been playing will tell you, they really went over the top.  new critters, new clothes, town criers that I spent a while trying to macro evaluate intelligence on.  Of course, the "big quest" as it were is broken, and periodically a group of high level (30-50) types will wind up at the penultimate quest location only to find out that it doesn’t quite work yet.  And one of the healing bugs was fixed, but not the other.  Oh yeah, and I have a feeling that "unnecessarily high arcane lore requirements for magic items" thing hasn’t really been taken care of yet .  With arcane specialized and starting at 100 focus, I could easily use this item by putting all of my experience into arcane lore until level 80 or so.  But who cares… we have robes!

In addition to the standard sorts of robes available in shops for those people who want to look like a garden gnome (see picture) or a mushroom, there’s a specific robe crafted from the hide of a new critter, the Hoary Mattekar.  And, as with all special get-yours-now limited-time-only collectable bits of data on a server somewhere, there was a mad rush to find out where the damn thing lived, and then to find a spawn for it, and then to camp it incessantly, spending 6 hours watching a little spot on the screen in the hopes that a level 99 monster with 350 hit points and a ridiculous attack would spawn there and kill you in one hit.  And as usual, when this happens to a group of people really not ready for it, there is incessant whining.  When I came across of a group of about 8 middling level types trying to kill one, I fire vulned it (actually I did this 4 times because I’m retarded), watch 4 of them die in one hit while the thing took about 20 points of damage, then killed it, only to hear someone start in with the chorus, "Aw man, I was next… sheesh…".  Yeah, next to die maybe.  I shouldn’t have healed him.  Until Turbine implements my new proposal below, I think I’ll just refrain from healing people and shit, taking advantage of the true purpose of life magic:  to be able to heal people in need but not actually doing it.

At least it looks pretty spiffy.  Here I am in my new pope outfit discussing its fashion sense with an old old friend.  He didn’t like it, so I killed him.

I have to admire some people though, even grossly underpowered, standing out in the goddamn snow for hours and getting killed a lot.  This guy happened to heal me a while before, unnecessary but thoughtful, and later I helped him out by tanking (eating damage from) a hoary he found and fire vulning it, but he ran out of mana.  In a moment of sentimentality I helped him out.  This was before I discovered the truth of my new motto, which comes later as well.

I also have to stop wearing the goddamn thing in town.  I feel like the guy in UO with the valorite plate, listening to morons ask if they can have it for free.  Or cheap.  If your rationale for not wanting to pay for something is because it sucks, don’t ask for it, and if it’s because it’s easy to get, then for Chrissakes get one yourself!  Or ask one of those 26 people with the robes if they would like to give you one, and see what they say.  All the folks I know who actually paid 80-100k for theirs seemed pretty happy with their deal.  (I wish it had been from me though.)

After this nonsense, I went back to the crater, hoping that the new tougher magmas would be discouraging the usual parade of cheesers.  I was sorta right, and didn’t see many other people in the lower levels as I went around blasting magmas and getting killed a lot.  I took a trip down to the bottom room and saw 2 mages firing sorta-kinda-maybe-effectively at a couple of mags across a pit, and then running away, off the radar.  Both mags were at near full health, so I killed them, watching the other guys on the back edge of my radar, zipping past me when the last one went down to go get to some chests in a room beyond.  I ran over as well, opened one of the 3 chests, found it empty, and walked back, meleeing a magma golem when I started getting some lame messages from one of them.

I was too nice; this whole time I was saying little insightful things like "Fuck you you clueless little piece of shit" into my monitor.  Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, what the fuck… I suppose I’ll go sit in a waiting room while waiting for people to run fight heal run fight heal run fight heal for 15 minutes in an effort to kill some critters they’re not ready for, and if they die, wait patiently for them to get back so they can resume this nonsense all over again.  On a side note, while I was having this illuminating insight into the mind of an imbecile, Virtuous ran by me, ran into the chest room, and came back saying, "Wow, some nice stuff!"  Doh… serves me right for wasting time with children when I should be LOOTING like the LOOTER I am.  And I no longer feel any shame about it.  Because, as my new motto states:  Everyone in the game who is not me fucking sucks (except maybe my vassals, whom I still love dearly as long as the experience keeps rolling in).

How to get rid of the problem of amoral looting mofos like myself?  The answer is simple!  And here I propose to the development team the implementation of a new feature:


No longer will people have to worry about the spectacle of rat bastard mages stealing their monster from them when it was down a full 5% of its health and about to gore them to death.  Target a monster (who has not already attacked or been attacked by someone else) you want to declare as "MINE MINE MINE", hit a control, and the monster immediately atacks you and you alone.  No one else can attack the monster, giving you all the phat xp and loot!  Naturally, no one else can heal you or assist you either, and just to make sure you get the credit for the kill which is "YOURS YOURS YOURS", all forms of portal travel and recall are disabled, and the monster will follow you forever until one of you is dead, walking through walls, up 90 degree inclines, and logging out and in with you.  As this may cause a certain amount of vitae accumulation to those who now like to say "MINE MINE MINE" about monsters they are really not ready to deal with, on character death the monster will appear at the lifestone with you, giving you an immediate opportunity to work off the little red and yellow star right away!  That stupid Virindi Director who got in a lucky shot can be YOURS YOURS YOURS… over and over again.

As for chests, fuck that… they’re MINE MINE MINE.  Fear my looter tendencies.

BTW if anyone feels like dealing with a looter to whom rep means nothing, I still am looking to trade some matty robes for a greater number of matty coats for the vassalage.  Just make sure you hand me the stuff before I give you the robe so I can LOOT LOOT LOOT what’s MINE MINE MINE.

Sashi Mu the looter, now on Frostfell. 

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